


Two Hours Away

by mean_whale



Series: Heatwave AU [10]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alpha/Alpha, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Anal Sex, Anger, Cheating, Crying, Drunken Confessions, Drunken Kissing, Fear, Fluff and Smut, Friendship, Frottage, Getting Together, Interrupted Sex, Light BDSM, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Omega Verse, Painful Sex, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Kissing, Platonic Sex, Threats
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-30
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-08-28 00:35:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 21,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8423842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mean_whale/pseuds/mean_whale
Summary: Kuroo and Sawamura have been messaging nearly every day, when Sawamura says he wants to talk. What does he have to say?





	1. The Beginning or the End

**Author's Note:**

> I highly recommend reading at least Secret before this one, but it's not necessary to read the entire AU to understand what's going on.

Sawamura: _I need to speak to you in person._

Me: _Scary!_

Sawamura: _I’m serious._

Me: _So am I._

It had been closer to a week since Sawamura sent Kuroo the ominous message, and while Kuroo had pretended to not be affected by it, the truth was that he couldn’t get it out of his head. He and Sawamura had been messaging each other nearly every day, but only talked about ordinary things like school and volleyball. Sawamura had never once tried to explain why he gave his number to Kuroo, so Kuroo didn’t ask. Sawamura hadn’t asked why Kuroo had approached him in the gay club, so Kuroo didn’t tell. Based on their conversations there was no need for them to talk about something seriously, face to face.

Kuroo had figured that maybe Sawamura saw him as a convenient sample of an alien lifeform, that the other alpha was trying to figure out how he worked. Although it was embarrassing and Kuroo didn’t want to admit it to himself, getting even the slightest bit of attention from a sexy alpha excited him, which is why he hadn’t confronted Sawamura about his reasons to stay in touch.

It didn’t change the fact that Kuroo was a nervous wreck.

Me: _Why does someone tell you that they need to talk to you in person?_

Yuuji: _Something serious. Breaking up. Dying from a horrible disease. Revealing a huge secret._

Me: _Thanks a lot I feel so much better_

Yuuji: _You can’t expect me to know! Who are you talking about?_

Me: _Sawamura wants to talk to me._

Yuuji: _Ooh, maybe your hopeless crush isn’t so hopeless after all!_

Me: _It’s not a crush!_

Yuuji: _Yeah you keep telling yourself that._

Kuroo did. He had had a crush on Suga and Bokuto, and the way he felt about Sawamura was completely different. The alpha was hot, and sure, Kuroo wouldn’t mind sleeping with him, but to call it a crush was an overstatement.

Yuuji: _When I come over we can talk about it._

Me: _I wish you were coming over tomorrow._

Yuuji: _When are you seeing Sawamura?_

Me: _Tomorrow_

Yuuji sent a bunch of laughing emojis and Kuroo responded with crying ones. At least the conversation was momentarily distracting him from the looming meeting.

Yuuji: _Maybe he wants sex._

The conversation wasn’t distracting Kuroo in the least. He was starting to feel queasy with nerves.

Me: _Would he really? The last time I checked he was very much in love with an omega._

Yuuji: _Love has nothing to do with sex._

Me: _He seems like the kind of a person who would disagree with that point of view._

Yuuji: _He seems and he seems, but you don’t really know, do you?_

Me: _Let’s just say that from what Suga said about him I’m pretty sure he’s one of those people who think sex is only for when you’re in love._

Yuuji: _So, have you fantasised about him yet?_

Me: _What kind of a horrible question is that!_

Yuuji: _Come on! He’s hot, right? So why not think about him when getting off?_

Me: _Are you telling me you’ve been thinking about him?_

Yuuji: _I’m sorry, I know he’s your crush, but did you see that ass??? !!!!!!!!!_

Me: _He’s not my crush!_

Yuuji: _But the ass????????????_

Me: _.... Yes, I’ve seen that ass._

Kuroo groaned and put his phone away. Talking to Yuuji was not helping him at all. How would he be able to face Sawamura if he was now thinking about his ass? It was a good ass, nicely shaped and muscular. It would be so pleasant to touch, to part the cheeks and see how his entrance twitches in anticipation of what’s going to happen. What colour would his hole be? Would he like being rimmed and eventually milked dry?

Kuroo slapped himself to stop his train of thoughts right there. He couldn’t make it any more uncomfortable for himself to meet with Sawamura.

*

Kuroo was standing at the railway station, waiting for the train from Miyagi to arrive. He was close to being scared of seeing Sawamura after how he had jerked off to the thought of the alpha just the previous day. As much as he had tried to chase off any thoughts of the alpha’s body, he had lost the battle to himself. Sawamura had a great body, but Kuroo had never seen him even without a shirt on, so it was a big mystery to him. What were his clothes hiding? What colour were his nipples? How curly was his pubic hair, and did it crawl all the way up to his navel? Kuroo was familiar with the shape of his body, how his arms looked strong to the way his ass curved to his thick thighs. There was something incredibly soft and round about Sawamura’s body, and Kuroo wanted to see more of it, wanted to feel it.

Sawamura was also shorter than Kuroo, and Kuroo surprisingly found it to be an attractive quality. He couldn’t quite explain it to himself, but the thought of Sawamura having to yank him down to a kiss was making Kuroo’s stomach flip in excitement. How Sawamura would have to bring out all the alpha there was in him to make Kuroo submit to his will.

Kuroo had imagined the way Sawamura would handle him, push him around and spread him wide open. He would do it with soft hands and quiet reassuring murmurs right into Kuroo’s ear. They would kiss until Kuroo’s head was swimming, until Sawamura was slowly fingering his ass open…

Kuroo was brought back to reality by his phone.

Bokuto: _Can I come over today?_

Me: _Sorry, I have other plans. Maybe next week?_

There was no reply from Bokuto, but Kuroo didn’t have time to think about it as someone stopped right next to him. He looked up to meet Sawamura’s eyes.

“Hello,” Sawamura said with a slightly forced smile on his face.

“Hey,” Kuroo replied, feeling incredibly awkward. “Welcome back to Tokyo.”

Sawamura laughed and thanked him. It made Kuroo relax just a bit, but he couldn’t stop remembering about all the things he had dreamed of doing with Sawamura’s body.

“So,” he said, trying to sound normal. “You want to get something to eat?”

*

To Kuroo’s relief he and Sawamura got along well. They started talking about volleyball and suddenly it seemed as if there was nothing awkward between them. They went sight-seeing for a bit, and at times Kuroo stopped to think about how it was almost like a date.

Each time Kuroo noticed himself thinking that he quickly shook the thought out of his head. Sawamura was way out of his league, not to mention he was straight. If it was him, Kuroo wouldn’t go gay for himself. He would go gay for someone like Sawamura. He happened to see his own reflection on a window and shuddered at how awful his hair was looking. Sawamura was like a god compared to him.

It was getting dark when the two alphas arrived to Kuroo’s home.

“My parents went to see my aunt,” Kuroo said, “so there’s actually no one else home right now.”

“Oh,” Sawamura replied, but Kuroo couldn’t figure out what kind of a reaction it really was.

“They just suddenly decided this morning,” Kuroo added to make sure Sawamura didn’t think he had been lying.

“Yeah, that happens,” Sawamura said, but Kuroo wasn’t sure that the alpha was really convinced.

Kuroo led the way to his bedroom and Sawamura stopped to momentarily look around before carefully lowering his bag to the floor.

“Nice room,” the alpha said.

“Thanks,” Kuroo said, desperately trying to think of something to say.

“So,” Sawamura said and turned to look at him. “I guess I came here to talk to you.”

“Yeah,” Kuroo replied and laughed nervously. “Just sit down anywhere.”

Sawamura looked around the room before sitting on the bed, which was the most obvious place. Kuroo hesitated until Sawamura gestured for him to sit down on the bed too. He cautiously sat on the edge of the bed, way too tense to appear normal, and a good distance away from the other alpha. Sawamura was looking at him, but he couldn’t bring himself to look back. His heart wouldn’t settle down and his palms were getting sweaty.

“So,” Sawamura began and cleared his throat. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.”

“That’s probably good,” Kuroo said just to keep himself from passing out.

He forced a smirk on his face as Sawamura frowned at his attempted joke.

“I’ve been thinking ever since the last time we met,” Sawamura continued. “I guess I wanted to talk to you because I can’t seem to quite figure out what to think.”

Kuroo looked at Sawamura whose face was gaining colour. The alpha’s eyes were roaming around the room, every now and then returning to Kuroo before dropping down to his own lap again.

“Oh,” Kuroo said. “So what exactly have you-.”

The doorbell rang. Kuroo stopped and puckered his lips in annoyance.

“I guess I’ll have to see who it is,” he said.

“Yeah,” Sawamura agreed as the bell rang again.

Kuroo quickly got up and hurried downstairs. He frowned as the bell rang yet again, and opened the door.

“Tetsurou!” Bokuto hollered and caught Kuroo into a tight hug.

Kuroo could immediately smell the indistinctive aroma of alcohol on Bokuto, and pat him on the back to not seem rude. He had never seen Bokuto drunk before and had no idea how the alpha would react to being rejected.

After a long swaying hug Bokuto released Kuroo.

“What are you doing here?” Kuroo asked, trying to not sound irritated. “I told you I was busy today.”

“Tetsurou,” Bokuto slurred and stepped forward. “You have to let me stay. I can’t go home.”

There was something ominous in Bokuto’s voice and Kuroo’s heart skipped a beat.

“Why?” he asked, slightly hushed.

Bokuto leaned closer, swaying gently.

“I think I’m a bit drunk,” he said way too loud for being so close to Kuroo’s ear.

“I see,” Kuroo replied.

Bokuto stepped in before Kuroo could do anything and took his shoes off. Before he could head to the stairs up to Kuroo’s room the alpha caught him and guided him to the living room instead.

“So, Koutarou,” Kuroo said gently as he sat Bokuto down onto the couch. “We have a bit of a problem here.”

Bokuto giggled before his face fell.

“What problem?” he asked.

“I already have someone staying over,” Kuroo said, hoping that his heavy voice and raised eyebrows would be enough of a hint to the drunk alpha.

“Oh,” Bokuto said quietly.

“I can’t send you home, obviously,” Kuroo said quickly, “and I wouldn’t! But you’ll have to stay down here, okay?”

Bokuto nodded and seemed to understand, when suddenly his face twisted and he burst to tears, immediately leaning his head on Kuroo’s shoulder.

“He hates me, Tetsurou,” the alpha sobbed.

“Who?” Kuroo asked tentatively.

“Koushi hates me,” Bokuto said, tears quickly turning the shoulder of Kuroo’s shirt wet.

“I’m sure he doesn’t,” Kuroo said. “Why do you think that?”

“He hates me,” Bokuto repeated.

Kuroo wasn’t sure what to do. Bokuto mumbled something that sounded a lot like “he really hates me.” Kuroo raised his hand onto Bokuto’s back and stroked him.

“Hey, I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding,” he said. “Tomorrow when you’re sober you can talk to him.”

“Tetsurou,” Bokuto whined and raised his head. “I miss you.”

“Here I am,” Kuroo said and smiled.

“I miss fucking you,” Bokuto clarified.

Kuroo swallowed. While he had managed to occupy his thoughts with other things, he still had strong feelings for Bokuto – the kind that were much more than friendship. He tried to push those feelings away to better focus on trying to make Bokuto calm down, but he couldn’t deny the fire that had ignited inside him at Bokuto’s words.

“Yeah, me too,” Kuroo said, hoping that Bokuto was merely looking for empathy to his feelings.

“Tetsurou,” Bokuto sighed and caught Kuroo’s lips in a kiss.

As shameful as it was to admit, Kuroo’s first reaction was to kiss him back, taste the soft lips against his just like he used to. Bokuto’s body was leaning closer, the familiar warmth moving Kuroo’s heart, and his hand slid up Bokuto’s back to his hair. Bokuto tasted as bitter as he smelled, but his tongue was thick and eager, and Kuroo’s heart stuttered with the way Bokuto was pressing against him.

Kuroo wasn’t sure what finally snapped him out of this state of delirium, but he pushed Bokuto away, gentle yet determined.

“Koutarou,” he said, voice airy exactly the way it always was after he kissed. “You can’t do this with me.”

“I want to,” Bokuto tried to press back, but Kuroo kept him an arm’s length away.

“No, you don’t,” he said. “Think about Suga. If you fucked me he would definitely hate you.”

Bokuto’s lower lip trembled but he didn’t cry. Kuroo took it as a good sign.

“I don’t know what happened,” Kuroo said, “but I’m sure it’s all fixable. You don’t want me. You want him.”

“It’s true,” Bokuto said and sniffled. “It’s all true!”

The alpha covered his face with his hands and whined dramatically. Kuroo glanced to the staircase, trying to figure out how to get Bokuto to stay downstairs.

“I’m so tired, Tetsurou,” Bokuto then said and leaned against Kuroo’s shoulder, eyes closing.

“You should go to sleep then,” Kuroo said and internally sighed in relief. “I’ll get you a blanket and a pillow and you just sleep here.”

Bokuto nodded slowly. Kuroo shifted him to lean on the couch and got up. He hurried upstairs.

“I’m sorry,” he said the moment he opened the door to his room. “Bokuto showed up. I’ll just get him all settled and I’ll be back with you.”

The way Sawamura was looking at him made Kuroo remain at his door.

“What?” he asked when the other alpha said nothing.

“Bokuto is your best friend, right?” Sawamura asked.

Kuroo simply nodded.

“So why are you hard after seeing your best friend?” Sawamura asked and pointedly looked at Kuroo’s groin.

Kuroo looked down in horror only to find a tent in his pants.

“Oh my god,” he gasped and covered the bulge with his hands.

He looked up at Sawamura whose face was impossible to read.

“It’s not what it looks like,” he tried, but his voice sounded frail and panicked.

Sawamura slowly got up and walked up to him. Kuroo was crouched down enough to be shorter than the other alpha, forcing him to look up to the deep brown eyes.

“I think,” Sawamura said and slid a finger along the collar of Kuroo’s shirt, “that there’s something funny going on here.

Kuroo gulped. Sawamura took a hold of his shirt and pulled him closer.

“Is Bokuto cheating on Suga?” the alpha asked, canines exposed and voice low and dangerous.

 _I should not be turned on by this_ , Kuroo thought to himself as he shook his head and tried to find a way to explain the situation without making Bokuto look bad. Sawamura didn’t give him time to think. He yanked Kuroo into the room and closed the door before pushing Kuroo against it.

“Explain,” Sawamura said, voice even lower and a growl rising from deep in his chest.

Kuroo was staring right into the alpha’s eyes that were shadowed by rage.

“Bokuto and I used to have a deal,” Kuroo started, voice a frightened squeal that would have made him shudder in disgust if he wasn’t so busy being both terrified and incredibly turned on by the alpha right in front of him. “We used to fuck. Yeah. But we stopped after Bokuto started dating Suga, I swear. I mean. We did that one time. But it was because Suga wanted to!”

Sawamura didn’t look like he believed what Kuroo was saying, and Kuroo’s knees were beginning to shake. He tried to shrink away from Sawamura’s hold.

“What do you mean?” Sawamura asked, face reddened by anger. “Suga wanted Bokuto to cheat?”

“No, no!” Kuroo hurried to explain. “He wanted to…”

 _Now of all times is the best time to start questioning the morals of talking about someone else’s sex life to their ex_ , Kuroo thought as he found himself unable to tell Sawamura exactly what had happened. He hadn’t let it slip back when Sawamura confronted him at the gay club. As far as Sawamura knew there had only been one threesome before Suga and Bokuto started dating.

“What?” Sawamura barked so loudly that Kuroo was certain his neighbours could hear it.

“I shouldn’t tell,” Kuroo tried desperately. “It’s his private business.”

Sawamura loomed closer, face so close that the tips of their noses were about to touch.

“He won’t know you told me,” Sawamura said. “Spit it out!”

Kuroo’s heart was beating faster than ever. What scared and excited him the most was the way Sawamura could control his anger, could so clearly stay unpredictable. Kuroo’s legs were jelly and he had slightly slid down. He was certain that if Sawamura wasn’t holding his shirt he would be sitting on the floor.

“Suga wanted to-” Sawamura started the sentence, expecting Kuroo to finish it.

Kuroo wondered if Sawamura would really beat him up if he didn’t say. A part of him wanted to test the alpha.

“He wanted to watch,” he gagged out, eyes on Sawamura’s lips instead of eyes.

There was a moment’s silence before Sawamura shook the hand that was holding Kuroo.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

Kuroo couldn’t help chuckling, although it came out weak, and a smirk climbed on his lips.

“He wanted to watch us fuck each other,” he said, surprised by how breathless his voice was.

Kuroo flinched and tried to dodge when Sawamura raised his arm and aimed it to the door. His fist hit the door right next to Kuroo’s head, the impact hard enough to rattle the wood but contained enough for Kuroo to know for sure that Sawamura hadn’t used his full strength.

Sawamura remained still, eyes staring at the floor instead of Kuroo’s face, fist pressing onto the door so hard his arm was shaking. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again and looking at Kuroo.

“And now? Is Bokuto cheating on Suga?” Sawamura asked again. “What were you doing with him downstairs?”

Kuroo could feel his cheeks heating up.

“He’s not cheating, I swear,” he said, voice strained.

He was starting to panic for Bokuto again. How could he make Sawamura believe him?

“What happened downstairs?” Sawamura repeated.

“He’s really drunk,” Kuroo said first. “I’ve never seen him drunk before. He doesn’t drink. He doesn’t want to.”

“That’s not an answer,” Sawamura growled and pinned Kuroo harder onto the door. “What happened?”

Suddenly Kuroo realised how close to tears he was. He desperately wanted to protect Bokuto from any misunderstandings.

“He,” Kuroo started but couldn’t continue, voice breaking as he blinked hard.

“What did he do?” Sawamura asked, voice steady and slow, still so much in control that Kuroo couldn’t help but admire it.

“He thinks Suga hates him,” Kuroo blurted out.

“You’re hiding something,” Sawamura said, looming closer again. “What did he do?”

Kuroo’s entire body was shaking.

“He didn’t mean to,” Kuroo sobbed, unable to hold back the tears any longer. “He didn’t mean to.”

Sawamura looked taken aback by Kuroo’s reaction and he took a step back, lowering his right arm from the door but still keeping a firm hold of Kuroo’s shirt.

“What did he do?” Sawamura asked yet again, although the anger was gone from his voice.

Kuroo was shaking uncontrollably, trying his best to form words but failing. He gasped for air, lifting both hands to wipe his face.

“He kissed me,” he finally forced out, not much louder than a whisper. “And I kissed him back.”

Kuroo looked at Sawamura whose jaw was tight again, who so clearly wanted to rip Kuroo to pieces before moving on to Bokuto. Kuroo wiped his nose with his right hand.

“I kissed him because I still love him,” he said.

Sawamura was biting his cheek, thinking so hard Kuroo could imagine cogs turning in his head.

“Sorry for frightening you,” Sawamura said then, his hold of Kuroo’s shirt loosening considerably.

Kuroo shook his head, unwilling to talk until he could better control himself.

“One last question,” Sawamura said, and his whole demeanour changed.

Kuroo blinked the last tears out of his eyes as he curiously watched how a blush was rising to Sawamura’s cheeks.

“Why are you still hard?” Sawamura asked quietly.

Kuroo didn’t even have to look to know that he was harder than ever. He wanted Sawamura so bad, he wanted the alpha so bad he couldn’t say anything. He was panting, sniffled once, face still wet with tears, when Sawamura stepped back right next to him and kissed him.

Sawamura’s lips were dry and sweet, tentative at first but soon catching up to Kuroo’s eagerness. He pressed a knee between Kuroo’s legs, thigh brushing against Kuroo’s erection, and Kuroo moaned, opening his mouth to Sawamura’s wet tongue. Kuroo was thankful for Sawamura still holding him, because he wasn’t sure he could actually stand up on his own. The door clattered as Sawamura pressed closer, finally letting go of Kuroo’s shirt only to run his hands over Kuroo’s chest down to his stomach, hips, ribs. Kuroo was shamelessly pressing against Sawamura’s body, just as muscular and soft as he had imagined.

When Sawamura suddenly took a hold of Kuroo and turned him around, Kuroo yelped. He was unceremoniously thrown onto his bed as Sawamura followed, open mouthed kisses leading from Kuroo’s neck up to his lips again. Kuroo was moaning, hands roaming the beautiful body above him, and he wanted nothing more than for Sawamura to fuck him. So he slid his hands to Sawamura’s ass, taking a moment to feel how the flesh gave under his palms before moving to the front.

Kuroo groaned when he felt how hard Sawamura was. He felt the erection through the jeans, forming a mental image of how big it really was, but didn’t want to wait any longer. He unzipped the jeans to reveal Sawamura’s dark grey underwear that already had a wet spot over his tip. Kuroo pushed Sawamura’s jeans past his ass, down his thighs, before the alpha got up to remove his shirt and get rid of the jeans. Kuroo raised his body enough to pull off his shirt, which Sawamura grabbed from his hands and tossed aside. Sawamura leaned down to kiss over Kuroo’s abdomen, hand sliding up to his chest to feel his nipples.

Luckily Sawamura seemed to be just as desperate as Kuroo was, as it didn’t take long before the alpha was pulling off Kuroo’s sweatpants along with his underwear, exposing his throbbing cock that had made a mess of his clothing. Sawamura stopped for a moment to take the length into his hand and drag a couple of times over it, making Kuroo squirm and groan.

When Sawamura stepped away to finally take off his underwear Kuroo turned around and reached for the lube before settling onto his hands and knees. He uncapped the lube before tossing it back to Sawamura, who seemed to hesitate for a moment.

“I don’t want you to stretch me,” Kuroo said before Sawamura had a chance to say whatever it was he was going to say. “I want it to sting. Just lube your cock properly.”

“Are you sure?” Sawamura asked but was already squirting lube over his swollen cock.

“Yeah, I can take it,” Kuroo said and settled to better show of his ass, cheeks spread just slightly to reveal his awaiting hole.

Sawamura gasped at the sight.

“It’s so dry,” he said hesitantly.

“Just pour some lube over it if it makes you feel better,” Kuroo said, unwilling to wait any longer.

He hissed when the cold substance hit his hot skin, when Sawamura slid a finger over his pucker before pushing it in.

“Please, Sawamura,” Kuroo said with a moan. “I want your cock, please.”

Sawamura pushed his finger as far as it would go before pulling it out and placing his hands on Kuroo’s ass.

“Are you sure?” the alpha asked again as the tip of his cock was poking at Kuroo’s entrance.

“Yes,” Kuroo exclaimed, desperation evident in his voice. “I like it when it hurts a bit. Please, hurt me.”

Sawamura still seemed hesitant.

“Please, Sawamura,” Kuroo begged. “Please, please fuck me.”

Kuroo could feel Sawamura finally lining his cock with his hole and sighed, hips swaying slightly in anticipation. His body shuddered when he felt the pressure of a thick alpha cock forcing him open, and when Sawamura’s tip slipped in Kuroo moaned too loud, unable to hold back. His body was trembling, hole burning with how big Sawamura was, and Kuroo dropped down to lie on his chest so he could push his face against a pillow.

Sawamura didn’t stop, his cock was forcing its way in, ripping Kuroo open too fast to be comfortable. Kuroo couldn’t believe this was the same alpha whose eyes had been opened in horror when he had realised he was in a gay establishment, that the people there assumed he was gay too. Sawamura’s hands were warm on his ass, thumbs stroking close to where Kuroo was open for the alpha’s cock. If Kuroo was honest, he was slightly regretting his decision to forego stretching, as the cock now pushing into him was starting to feel like too much. As much as he enjoyed being treated roughly and hurt, the burn he was now feeling was quickly getting too intense.

“Hey,” Sawamura’s soft voice called out as he moved his hands from Kuroo’s ass to his back. “Are you okay?”

Kuroo realised that the way his body was shaking was slightly different, his hips weren’t meeting Sawamura’s push like they first had. He opened his mouth to say he was fine, but all that came out was a squeal of discomfort as Sawamura’s hips moved forward.

“Should I pull out?” Sawamura asked.

“No,” Kuroo managed and turned his head to look at the alpha behind him.

He was panting and his legs were shaking, and the way Sawamura looked at him with worry made him burn with want.

“Just start fucking me,” he said, panting and needy. “I’ll get used to it.”

Sawamura looked at him for a moment longer before nodding and moving his hands to Kuroo’s hips. He pulled out slightly to push back in, not even close to being all the way inside. His hips were moving softly, cock enticing Kuroo to stretch more with each push. Kuroo had his face pressed against the pillow to hide his moans. Sawamura’s cock was hot and thick, fucking into Kuroo with a weird sense of fluidity and inching deeper each time. Sawamura’s hands were warm on Kuroo’s skin, fingers pressing harder against his flesh.

Kuroo had his arms wrapped tightly around the pillow, chest sliding against the bed and nipples being stimulated by the movements of his body under Sawamura’s administrations. He cried in surprise when a hand took a hold of his cock, jerking it with quick drags. Kuroo’s back was arching and he was pushing his hips towards Sawamura, yearning to get everything the alpha could offer. After a few more pushes he felt Sawamura’s hips meet his ass, felt how his heavy balls slapped against his skin as the alpha continued fucking him with deep thrusts.

There were tears in Kuroo’s eyes, his mouth was open behind the pillow and there was a continuous stream of high-pitched moans leaving his throat. Sawamura’s cock was brushing against his prostate, Sawamura’s hand was rubbing over his aching cock, and Kuroo could feel his orgasm starting to pool low in his stomach.

“Hey Tetsurou,” Bokuto’s voice came at the same time as the door slammed open.

All three alphas froze and silence fell into the room. Surprisingly Bokuto was the first one to recover.

“You’re fucking Sawamura?” the alpha shouted. “You’re sleeping with him?”

“Uh,” Kuroo said very unintelligently.

Sawamura didn’t say anything. Kuroo turned to see the look of horror on his face.

“Koutarou,” Kuroo said, hoping that his voice sounded berating rather than fucked out. “I told you stay downstairs!”

“But I was so lonely and I missed you,” Bokuto said, sadness shadowing his face until he looked at Sawamura again. “Why haven’t you told me?”

Bokuto burst to tears again.

“Shit,” Kuroo whispered through his teeth.

He pulled away from Sawamura, hissing with the feeling of the alpha’s full cock slipping out of him. Sawamura immediately let go of Kuroo’s cock, and Kuroo staggered up, legs feeling like jelly as he approached his crying friend.

“Koutarou,” he said and tried to touch Bokuto’s shoulder, but the alpha pulled away.

“I’m such a bad friend,” Bokuto howled. “You don’t even want to tell me about your new boyfriend.”

“He’s not my boyfriend!” Kuroo yelled, too loud.

He quickly turned to look at Sawamura who was sitting on the bed with a blanket covering his body, cheeks bright red and head hanging low.

“Everyone hates me,” Bokuto continued. “Koushi hates me and you hate me and I hate me too.”

“Now, now,” Kuroo said and managed to take a hold of Bokuto’s shoulder this time. “Nobody hates you, Koutarou. I love you. And Suga loves you. You just need to go to sleep.”

Kuroo gently guided Bokuto out of his room, stopping to get the necessary stuff from the linen closet before taking Bokuto back downstairs. He quickly made a bed for Bokuto onto the couch before stripping the alpha off his jeans.

“Now you just lie down,” Kuroo said and guided Bokuto to lie down. “I’ll go get you some water.”

Kuroo hurried to the kitchen and got a glass of water. When he returned to the living room, Bokuto was up and trying to pull his jeans back on.

“What are you doing?” Kuroo asked and set the glass on the table. “Go to sleep, silly boy.”

“I’m bothering you,” Bokuto mumbled and fell to the floor.

“No, no, Koutarou,” Kuroo said reassuringly and heaved his friend back to the sofa. “You’re not bothering me at all. I just want you to go to sleep now.”

Kuroo turned to get the glass of water when Bokuto wrapped his arms around his waist.

“I’m such a burden on everyone,” the alpha mumbled against Kuroo’s skin.

Kuroo stopped. Bokuto was sobbing quietly, face pressed to Kuroo’s stomach. Kuroo stroked his hair that had lost its shape quite a while ago.

“You’re not a burden, Koutarou,” Kuroo said quietly, hoping that Bokuto was still attentive enough to listen. “You have your own quirks, but so do we all.”

Kuroo sat down onto the sofa and Bokuto let go of him. Kuroo pulled him into a hug instead.

“I don’t know what’s going on, but you can definitely work it out,” he said. “I’ll never leave you.”

Bokuto was starting to quieten down.

“Do you want some water?” Kuroo asked.

Bokuto nodded slowly. Kuroo reached for the glass and helped Bokuto take a couple of sips.

“I’m so tired of being like this,” Bokuto muttered.

“You’re the best possible version of yourself, Koutarou,” Kuroo said. “I promise you.”

“Even you’ll leave me,” Bokuto said and sobbed again. “Eventually you’ll lose patience with me.”

“I won’t,” Kuroo said. “You know why? Because it doesn’t require me any patience to deal with you.”

“That’s a lie,” Bokuto said, but there was a soft smile on his face. “I ruined your evening with your boyfriend.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Kuroo said.

“Why?” Bokuto asked and turned to look at Kuroo.

His eyes weren’t completely focused and his face had red blotches on it.

“He probably doesn’t want to be,” Kuroo said, unable to stop the thought from making his heart ache.

“Because he’s not gay?” Bokuto asked.

“Yeah, something like that,” Kuroo nodded.

“Then why did he sleep with you?” Bokuto asked.

Kuroo didn’t know what to say. The evening had been full of unexpected things, and he wasn’t sure he was strong enough to start thinking through everything.

“I think he likes you,” Bokuto said and leaned his head on Kuroo’s shoulder. “You’ll see.”

“I think you should sleep,” Kuroo said but smiled at Bokuto.

“I’m not tired at all!” Bokuto announced and raised his head.

He looked straight at Kuroo when his eyes closed and he fell forward. Kuroo rolled his eyes and stood up, gently laying Bokuto onto the makeshift bed and covering him carefully with a blanket.

“Sleep well,” he whispered before leaving the room and heading upstairs, heart beating like a drum.

When Kuroo entered his room Sawamura turned to look at him before quickly looking away. The alpha was sitting on the bed, fully clothed and cheeks bright red.

“Sorry about that,” Kuroo said.

He didn’t know what else to say, so he stood there in silence as Sawamura kept looking away.

“Maybe we should go to sleep,” Kuroo finally said.

Sawamura nodded.

“You want to take a shower first?” Kuroo asked.

“You go first,” Sawamura said, still not looking at Kuroo.

“Okay,” Kuroo said slowly.

He quickly turned around and headed to the bathroom, away from the awkwardness of his bedroom. The lube was making his ass slick, and it was getting annoying, so Kuroo started by washing it away. His hole was still stretched as he pushed two fingers inside with a sigh. As much as he wanted to hate Bokuto for interrupting the great sex that would have undoubtedly led to an amazing orgasm he couldn’t completely lose the feeling of uneasiness he felt at how sad Bokuto was. Kuroo frowned and thought about Sawamura again, about how wonderful it was to have the alpha pound into him and hear him pant and grunt over him.

As Kuroo continued to finger himself he couldn’t stop thinking about Bokuto, so he eventually gave up and stopped. He wasn’t getting excited anymore, unable to get hard after all that had happened, and he quickly washed himself. Slowly he realised that he hadn’t brought any clothes with him, so he tied the towel around his hips and went back to his room.

Sawamura briefly looked up when he entered.

“I can sleep on the floor if you want to,” Kuroo offered.

“No,” Sawamura said and glanced at Kuroo’s feet. “I can sleep on the floor. It’s your bed.”

Kuroo nodded.

“I’ll get everything ready while you shower,” he said.

With that Sawamura got up and disappeared. Kuroo spent a moment just standing and breathing. He realised that anyone would feel uneasy after being interrupted like that, but he had a bad feeling that there was something more, something else that he couldn’t quite figure out in the way Sawamura behaved.

Kuroo sighed and got dressed before getting a futon out for Sawamura and settling in bed. As he sat there he realised that his sheets were dirty, stains of lube and pre-come on them, but he was too tired to get up again. He lay down and waited for Sawamura to return. His heart felt heavy, and he wasn’t sure why.

After Sawamura returned to the room, they hardly said a word before going to sleep. Kuroo was sure that he wouldn’t be able to sleep, but it didn’t take long before his thoughts morphed into a dream.

*

Kuroo woke up slowly. His bed was warm and soft, and he didn’t really want to wake up yet. His bed smelled like sex, and he decided it was better to get up. He turned around to see where Sawamura’s futon was.

Sawamura was gone. His futon was neatly folded, and his things were gone.


	2. The Morning After

Kuroo was sitting in the kitchen, slowly chewing a piece of chocolate, when Bokuto finally crawled up from the sofa.

“Morning,” the alpha said weakly and filled the glass Kuroo had gotten him the previous night.

“Afternoon,” Kuroo replied, taking another bite of his chocolate.

He was looking out the window, not turning to watch Bokuto clatter around the kitchen in search of something to eat. Eventually the alpha settled down to the table, and Kuroo could feel his eyes on his neck.

“You’re upset,” Bokuto noted before taking a huge mouthful of whatever it was he was eating.

Kuroo hummed quietly. He had had the entire morning to himself, and he had spent most of the time sitting around the house in silence. His thoughts had been all over the place, and right before Bokuto had woken up he was getting ready to cry. Now he didn’t want to, anymore, but he couldn’t trust himself to try to speak yet. He was still too close to breaking down, eyes heavy and heart in shatters.

“Is it because of me?” Bokuto asked carefully.

Kuroo shrugged. He had been really angry at first, had wanted to kick Bokuto out the moment the alpha woke up, but as hours had dragged on he had cooled down. He didn’t know what had happened exactly, and he couldn’t blame it all on Bokuto. Maybe Sawamura got frightened after jumping to bed with another alpha, maybe it was an impulse that he had forgotten to fight in the heat of emotions. Maybe Kuroo was just too ugly.

“I’m sorry,” Bokuto said. “I may be stupid but I know I messed up.”

Kuroo didn’t react in any way. He knew that Bokuto meant what he said, but he still had tears burning his throat and he didn’t want them to climb any higher. He took the last piece of chocolate and munched through it. He knew that Bokuto had something he wanted to talk about, why else would the alpha had shown up, but Kuroo wasn’t sure he was ready to face other people’s problems right now.

Bokuto seemed to take the hint and continued eating in silence. Kuroo wanted to get up and get some cookies, but he didn’t want to turn and show his face to Bokuto. He didn’t want to see Bokuto.

Time ticked on slowly, and Kuroo couldn’t seem to settle down. He knew that this was the kind of a feeling that wouldn’t really go away before he cried, but how could he cry when Bokuto was right there, right across the table and watching him?

Eventually Bokuto got up and washed his plate. Kuroo listened to the way the water splashed into the sink, how it dribbled over the plate and Bokuto’s hands. How Bokuto wiped his hands dry.

“Tetsurou?” Bokuto said cautiously.

The tears had made their way up to Kuroo’s eyes at this point, and Kuroo swallowed, hoping that if he tried hard enough the tears would go away.

“Please, Tetsurou,” Bokuto said quietly. “I know you hate me, but please talk to me.”

“I don’t want to talk,” Kuroo said, and his voice cracked, exactly like he had predicted.

“Are you crying?” Bokuto asked and made his way towards Kuroo.

“I’m not crying,” Kuroo shouted and got up, keeping his head turned away from Bokuto.

“Tetsurou,” Bokuto said as his warm hand took a hold of Kuroo’s wrist before pulling the alpha into a soft embrace.

Kuroo wanted to hate Bokuto and tell him to leave, but instead he allowed his best friend to hug him as he let go and tears streamed down his face. His hands found hold of the back of Bokuto’s shirt, and Bokuto’s hands were stroking his back.

“I’m sorry,” Bokuto said, his voice fragile and hurt, and Kuroo cried even harder at that.

Bokuto had been right about the fact that he hadn’t told his best friend about Sawamura. What kind of a friend was he? He should have known something was wrong when Bokuto didn’t message him back after he said he was busy, he should have known that Bokuto had a problem and he should have been a better friend.

“Tetsurou,” Bokuto said slowly. “Can we go sit down? I don’t feel so great.”

Kuroo lifted his head and nodded, looking at Bokuto for the first time that day. The alpha was unusually pale, hair messy and dark bags under his eyes. His eyes were missing their usual spark, and if anything it was making Kuroo feel even worse. He let Bokuto walk him to the living room where they sat down on the sofa that had served as Bokuto’s bed for the night.

Bokuto looked relieved to be sitting down, and Kuroo was starting to calm down. He still found it hard to look at Bokuto, though. He wanted to be able to cool his emotions properly.

“Hey, Tetsurou,” Bokuto said. “I’m a bit hazy on the details so you’ll have to fill me in, but I know I totally ruined your evening.”

“I guess you did,” Kuroo said and sniffled.

“And I know you specifically told me you were busy,” Bokuto continued. “I shouldn’t have come at all. But I had nowhere else to go.”

“It’s okay,” Kuroo said faintly.

“It’s not,” Bokuto said. “But thanks for letting me stay anyway.”

Kuroo nodded and wiped his eyes with a sniffle.

“Talk to me, man,” Bokuto said. “Why are you so sad? Where’s Sawamura?”

Kuroo shrugged.

“He was gone when I woke up,” he said. “I guess he realised he doesn’t want to associate with someone like me.”

“Knock it off!” Bokuto said and took a hold of Kuroo’s shoulders, forcing the alpha to turn his way. “You’re perfectly fine the way you are! There’s nothing wrong with you, and if he doesn’t want to be with you then it’s his problem and his loss!”

Kuroo couldn’t help smiling at how passionately Bokuto was talking.

“Thanks,” he said.

“But hey,” Bokuto continued, looking slightly confused. “I seem to remember seeing something I shouldn’t have seen. Something like… How to put this?”

“Something like Sawamura fucking me so good I was nearly crying?” Kuroo asked teasingly.

Bokuto blushed and Kuroo smirked.

“Something like that,” Bokuto mumbled and looked away.

“Yeah, you kind of walked in on us,” Kuroo said. “You could say that you completely ruined the mood.”

Bokuto closed his eyes with a pained look on his face. He let go of Kuroo’s shoulders and pressed his hands on his face instead.

“I can’t believe it,” he mumbled to himself.

Kuroo chuckled, and he was glad to realise that a part of him could actually see the hilarity of the situation. The other part of him was in such a state of emotional turmoil he chose to ignore it for now.

“I can’t believe it either,” Kuroo said. “I thought you had passed out.”

Bokuto groaned and curled into himself before peeking at Kuroo from behind his hands.

“I’m so sorry I ruined it,” he said. “I wish I could offer you some kind of an explanation but I can’t remember why I thought it was a good idea to come up when you told me to not do that.”

Kuroo snorted before he turned serious again.

“Hey, Koutarou,” he said. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

“I hope it’s details as to how you and Sawamura ended up together,” Bokuto said.

Kuroo shook his head and smiled.

“I’ll give you the details later, that’s a promise,” he said. “But this is something else.”

Bokuto looked at him warily, and Kuroo was sure that the gravity of what he was supposed to say next was showing on his face.

“I don’t really want to bring this up, okay,” he said. “But I guess I have to.”

“Of course,” Bokuto said and nodded, although he was starting to look scared.

Kuroo took a deep breath and averted his eyes from Bokuto. It would be easier if he wasn’t looking at the alpha directly.

“I don’t know if you’ve already figured this out,” Kuroo started. “But I… Well, I guess I, uh, broke the one rule we had for our… deal.”

Bokuto was cocking his head slowly until it was close to resting on his own shoulder.

“What the hell are you talking about?” he asked. “You know me. You need to be clear about things you want me to understand.”

Kuroo sighed.

“Sometimes I think you’re only pretending to be dumb to piss people off,” he said before sniffing and continuing slowly. “But I guess you’re right, it’s better to just be direct and say it as it is. So. As it is.”

Kuroo had to take a moment to breathe. His legs were jittery and he knew that Bokuto noticed it. The alpha stayed quiet, clearly giving him time to finally pull himself together and say what he was about to say. Kuroo was thankful that sometimes Bokuto seemed to be able to read his mind.

“Koutarou,” Kuroo said, heart thumping loudly. “I fell in love with you.”

Silence fell between them, and Kuroo couldn’t bear to look at Bokuto yet.

“I didn’t mean to, but I did,” he said. “That’s why it’s been so hard for me to-”

“Wait!” Bokuto interrupted, placed his hands on Kuroo’s shoulders and turned him to look at him. “You’re in love with me? Like, right now?”

Kuroo was reluctantly looking at Bokuto’s face as he nodded. Bokuto’s eyes were wide, rounder than usual, and Kuroo had a sudden urge to kiss him for being so cute.

“Yeah,” he admitted. “Please, don’t hate me. Or act any different around me.”

Bokuto was blinking stupidly for a moment.

“Of course not,” he said then. “Are you really in love with me?”

Kuroo’s cheeks were getting way too warm and he wanted to turn away, but Bokuto’s hands were still on his shoulders, keeping him there, providing him with the knowledge that at least for a while longer Bokuto was still here.

“I’m sorry,” Kuroo said. “You probably think it’s stupid and gross.”

“No,” Bokuto hurried to say. “I’m just… I guess I’m flattered.”

It was Kuroo’s turn to look at Bokuto like the alpha had just spoken a different language.

“Come on, Tetsurou,” Bokuto said and smiled. “You’re such a hot guy! Of course I’m flattered that someone like you would think so highly of someone like me.”

“Hey, I don’t want any of that ‘someone like me’ crap,” Kuroo said. “You’re an amazing person! You’re the sweetest and kindest alpha ever, and I don’t want to keep going to not make it awkward. But just. God, why can’t you just realise how perfect you are in every way?”

Bokuto’s face was turning pink, and Kuroo had to close his eyes for a moment to remind himself about why he was having this conversation in the first place.

“Anyway,” he said. “Before I get side-tracked, there’s a reason for why I told you.”

“Other than making me ridiculously happy?” Bokuto laughed. “Okay, it’s something serious, I can tell. Sorry.”

Kuroo shook his head and tried to suppress the smile that was climbing onto his face.

“The thing is,” he said. “It’s hard for me to get over you, even if I don’t want it to be.”

Bokuto nodded, looking serious and understanding, although Kuroo wasn’t quite sure how much the alpha really did understand.

“To help me move on,” Kuroo continued, although slightly hesitant. “Please, never tell me you miss us fucking.”

Bokuto raised an eyebrow.

“I said that?” he asked.

Kuroo nodded.

“I don’t care even if it’s true,” he said, “because no matter what, we can’t do it. You have a mate. And I… Well, I don’t have anyone but I don’t want to be alone forever.”

“What about Sawamura?” Bokuto asked.

Sawamura’s name felt like a flash in Kuroo’s heart.

“In any case,” Kuroo continued, choosing to ignore the question for now. “I also need you to never kiss me again. You have no idea how awful I felt last night for kissing you back while knowing full well that you were drunk and you have a mate and I just should have never-”

“Stop it,” Bokuto said and pressed a finger onto Kuroo’s lips. “I haven’t forgotten about that, okay, and I really wanted to apologise for doing it. I already knew it shouldn’t have happened, but now that I know about your feelings. It’s even worse. I’m sorry I put you through it.”

“Let’s just agree that we’re both sorry,” Kuroo said. “We can’t take it back, so we should just. You know. Let it go.”

Bokuto suddenly looked very gloomy.

“Koushi’s going to dump me,” he said.

“Yeah, that’s another thing I wanted to talk about,” Kuroo said. “What the hell is going on between you and Suga?”

Bokuto looked uneasy, biting his lip and eyes cast down.

“I think it’s over,” he finally said.

“Why?” Kuroo asked.

Bokuto took a while to fidget before looking up at Kuroo.

“I don’t know,” he said, voice completely helpless. “I must have done something wrong because he won’t talk to me. I’ve tried so many times, and he won’t answer any of my messages of pick up when I call, and I just know he hates me.”

“You don’t know that,” Kuroo immediately said, although he had no idea about what could have cause Suga’s behaviour. “Maybe he’s going through something difficult but isn’t ready to tell you yet?”

“Then why hasn’t he even said he’s busy?” Bokuto asked.

Kuroo could merely shrug.

“Is that why you got drunk last night?” he asked instead.

Bokuto nodded and raised a hand to his nape.

“I don’t even know why I did it,” he said, scratching the back of his head. “I guess I didn’t know what else to do. I was hoping that you could keep me company but then you said you were busy and Akaashi said he had something to do too and everyone else was doing this and that. And they’re not close enough to keep me… steady.”

Kuroo pulled Bokuto closer to lean at him. They leaned their heads against one another.

“It’s been a full week of no word from Koushi,” Bokuto said quietly. “He sometimes goes a few days without talking to me, but never this long.”

Kuroo nodded slowly.

“I wish we lived closer so I could check in on him,” Bokuto said and laughed sadly. “I actually thought about it last night, when I was drunk. I thought that I’d go to the railway station and buy a ticket to Miyagi and go see him. But then I ended up buying a ticket to come here instead.”

“If it’s any consolation,” Kuroo said, “that was probably the better option.”

“Yeah,” Bokuto said.

They stayed quiet. Kuroo had rarely seen Bokuto so sad. He had rarely felt so sad himself. His life had gotten odd after his trip to Miyagi and running into Sawamura there.

Kuroo closed his eyes. Why had Sawamura left without a word?

“Hey, Tetsurou,” Bokuto said. “Were you ever going to tell me about Sawamura?”

Kuroo jolted at the question.

“What exactly should I have told you?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” Bokuto said slowly. “How come he was visiting you.”

Kuroo sighed and told Bokuto about his trip to Miyagi, how Sawamura had given him his number and how they had been messaging each other ever since.

“He was supposed to talk to me about something important,” Kuroo said.

“Oh,” Bokuto said and cleared his throat. “From the way you put that it sounds like he didn’t get a chance.”

“I wonder what could have possibly happened that messed up the evening,” Kuroo said but with no malice.

He was more tired than angry, more exhausted than sad.

“I’m so sorry,” Bokuto said again, and Kuroo ruffled his hair.

“I know,” he said.

“But you got to have sex,” Bokuto tried to sound cheerful.

“You interrupted that too,” Kuroo said and smirked at the way Bokuto groaned painfully.

“I’m so, so sorry,” the alpha said. “I’ll keep telling you I’m sorry for the rest of my life!”

“You don’t have to,” Kuroo assured him. “But I’m going to keep bringing it up every time you fuck up.”

“Ouch,” Bokuto mumbled. “I guess I deserve that.”

They fell silent again, until Bokuto broke it.

“So,” he said. “You promised me details. How come you ended up in bed with him?”

“It was kind of like an accident?” Kuroo said. “Heat of the moment or something.”

“Oh,” Bokuto said.

They remained quiet for a long time, listening to the way the clock on the wall was ticking.

“And why did he leave?” Bokuto finally asked.

“I don’t know,” Kuroo said quietly. “Could be anything. Maybe you scared him away.”

“Yeah, okay, I deserve that,” Bokuto sighed.

“Maybe I’m just too ugly,” Kuroo said.

Bokuto nearly jumped up at that.

“Kuroo Tetsurou,” he said, leaning so close to Kuroo that their noses were touching. “You are not ugly. You’re probably the hottest alpha I have ever known.”

“’Probably’,” Kuroo mumbled but couldn’t stop the smile that tugged on the corners of his mouth.

“Well, you know, it’s impossible to remember everyone,” Bokuto reasoned. “But the point is that if you were ugly I wouldn’t have slept with you.”

Bokuto’s eyes were earnest, and Kuroo smiled.

“Thank you,” he said. “It really means a lot to me.”

Bokuto kept looking at him until he was satisfied about the sincerity of Kuroo’s words. He returned to his place by Kuroo’s side. It was quiet, but it was easier, lighter.

“I wonder if I was just an experiment,” Kuroo thought out loud.

Bokuto hummed. It was a tired sound.

*

By the next weekend it had gotten clear that Sawamura didn’t want to stay in contact anymore. Kuroo had partly expected it, but he couldn’t deny his disappointment when he checked his phone only to find no new messages from the alpha.

 _You knew it wasn’t going to last_ , he told himself, only making himself sadder.

Kuroo was thankful that Yuuji was visiting him. He wasn’t sure how he would have survived the weekend otherwise. They were lounging in Kuroo’s room, Kuroo resting on the bed and Yuuji sitting on the floor leaning to the bed. Yuuji had said he was tired so they had abandoned their plans of going out to stay in instead.

“So,” Yuuji said after a while of silence between them. “Are you and Sawamura dating?” Yuuji asked.

“No,” Kuroo said.

He hadn’t told Yuuji about the disaster that had taken place.

“Do you want to?” Yuuji asked.

“I don’t know,” Kuroo said slowly. “I mean, the stuff I heard from Suga doesn’t really paint a great picture of him.”

“What did he say, then?” Yuuji asked.

“Well, you know, mostly about sex,” Kuroo said. “But there are other things I don’t really get either. Like that one time Bokuto and I ran into Suga when he was super aroused. Where was Sawamura? And they had that fight too.”

“Ooh, drama!” Yuuji exclaimed and leaned closer.

“I don’t really know what was going on,” Kuroo said. “But I do know that Suga was telling him to let go and apparently Sawamura pushed him?”

“Hmm,” Yuuji said thoughtfully.

They fell silent again.

“So what was it he wanted to talk about then?” Yuuji asked. “I thought that for sure he was going to confess to you.”

Kuroo laughed sadly.

“I wish!” he said and proceeded to recount the previous weekend’s events.

“Okay,” Yuuji said nodding. “Okay that sounds terrible.”

“It was,” Kuroo said. “I wouldn’t blame him if he never wanted to see me again.”

“Why?” Yuuji asked. “It wasn’t your fault.”

Kuroo shrugged.

“I’m not sure I really want to find out why he left,” he said.

“Yeah,” Yuuji replied thoughtfully.

They fell quiet again.

“Want to have sex?” Yuuji asked then, catching Kuroo completely off guard.

“Yes!” Kuroo replied.

Yuuji laughed and pulled Kuroo’s head close enough for him to kiss the alpha. It was a happy kiss, Kuroo thought as they both smiled and Yuuji whirled his tongue over Kuroo’s lips, pushing it past them so that his piercing dragged over Kuroo’s flesh before rubbing against his tongue. Yuuji used a lot of tongue, and Kuroo wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Kuroo broke the kiss to sit up and pull Yuuji up to the bed with him. Yuuji giggled happily and leaned against Kuroo. They kissed again, mouths open and wanting. Kuroo pulled Yuuji closer to him, as close as he possibly could, hands roaming over the alpha’s lean back and feeling how his body moved. Yuuji tasted sweet, smelled like cinnamon, and Kuroo wanted to keep kissing him until his head was a mess and he was no longer listening to anything but his body.

Yuuji took off his shirt, tossed it aside before smirking and offering his chest to Kuroo. Kuroo groaned and leaned to him, lips pressing against the skin right next to Yuuji’s nipple, taking his time to play before sucking on the bud and licking over it. Yuuji’s hands were on Kuroo’s shoulders and he slid them down to Kuroo’s back.

“You’re so good,” he said breathily.

Kuroo liked that, he wanted to be good for Yuuji, so he licked harder, made more of an effort to make the other alpha moan with want as his fingers started working on the second nipple. Yuuji moaned in his throat, the pleased sound shaking Kuroo’s core.

“Ah, Tetsurou,” Yuuji said, voice unstable as Kuroo hadn’t let go of his nipples. “I want to fuck you today. I want to fuck you so hard.”

Kuroo whimpered at the thought and had to break away to take a deeper breath. He looked up at Yuuji for a moment before lifting his head up and pulling Yuuji’s lower lip into his mouth. Yuuji laughed and licked against Kuroo’s lips, inviting the alpha to open his mouth for exploration. Yuuji’s elbows were still on Kuroo’s shoulders, the alpha making an effort to not accidentally dig them in too painfully, and Kuroo wanted to get rid of his clothes, wanted to make Yuuji squirm before opening himself up for the alpha to take.

So Kuroo pulled back to strip out of his shirt. Yuuji’s hands were immediately on his chest, sliding over it with fingers stretched wide. He pushed his fingers towards Kuroo’s armpits and brushed his nipples with his thumbs. He leaned down to pepper kisses over Kuroo’s neck and down to his collarbone.

“Tetsurou,” he purred against the alpha’s skin. “I want you to ride me.”

Kuroo swallowed.

“Yes,” he said dryly. “Yes, I will.”

Yuuji smiled wide and got up, hands on the waistband of his jeans. Kuroo didn’t bother getting up; he found it safer to stay seated as he started pulling off his trousers. Yuuji was teasing him, opening his button and zipper slowly as Kuroo’s eyes were glued to his groin. Kuroo had already managed to get rid of his clothes, and he absentmindedly reached a hand to his cock as Yuuji’s hips swayed when his jeans were lowered. Yuuji chuckled, but Kuroo’s eyes were right on the target and he wasn’t willing to lose sight of it.

“You want to touch?” Yuuji asked playfully.

Kuroo could only nod, words having abandoned him for the moment. He was biting his lower lip as Yuuji finally got rid of the jeans and stepped closer.

“Maybe you should undress me,” he said. “I want to feel your hands on my hips.”

Shakily Kuroo reached forwards, fingers finding a hold of Yuuji’s underwear. He took a moment to appreciate the sight: Yuuji’s creamy skin against his tanned skin tone, his tight-fitting underwear doing very little to hide his erection, and Kuroo placed his palms onto Yuuji’s hips, just to see what it looked like to hold onto the lean boy.

“I like how focused you are,” Yuuji whispered.

His voice was husky, and Kuroo let his hands feel down his thighs, feel their way to his ass before pulling him closer so suddenly that he nearly lost his balance.

“Tetsurou,” Yuuji purred. “You’re so eager!”

Kuroo slid his fingers past the waistband of Yuuji’s underwear and pushed the fabric down. He kept pushing until it gave way to Yuuji’s cock that sprung up, not completely erect yet but not far away from it either. Kuroo stopped with the underwear to lean forward. He opened his mouth and stopped for a moment, looked up at Yuuji who was intently looking at him.

Yuuji nodded, and Kuroo inched closer, tasting Yuuji’s cock with the tip of his tongue before taking the head into his mouth. He gently suckled on it, takin his time to taste Yuuji’s musk as he breathed in his alpha scent. It was a strong scent, and it was quickly starting to drive him crazy. He took more of Yuuji inside his mouth, wanting to take it all, although he knew that it wasn’t realistic. He sucked, moving his head up and down in a frenzy.

Yuuji places his hands onto Kuroo’s cheeks, fingers stroking over his cheekbones. One hand slipped into Kuroo’s hair, stroking him and massaging his scalp. Kuroo closed his eyes to better feel everything.

Suddenly Yuuji’s hold of Kuroo’s hair tightened and he was pulled off of the alpha’s cock. Kuroo was slightly ashamed to hear how he whined at the loss. He opened his eyes and looked up at Yuuji, who was smiling at him.

“You’re so adorable, Tetsurou,” Yuuji said, voice slightly uneven and breaths harder than before. “So beautiful with your mouth on my cock.”

Yuuji brushed his thumb over Kuroo’s lips. Kuroo wasn’t sure if he had ever been so turned on and pleased at the same time. He wanted to hear more of Yuuji’s silky voice praising him. His heart was stuttering in his chest as Yuuji bent over to kiss him sloppily.

It was a quick kiss, but it left Kuroo breathless. He was slowly opening his eyes when Yuuji spoke.

“Get on your hands and knees,” he said.

Kuroo moved back to the centre of his bed and positioned himself like Yuuji had told him.

“Oh, that’s right,” Yuuji said. “Where’s your lube?”

Kuroo pointed to his nightstand, and Yuuji quickly located the half-empty bottle. Kuroo shivered when he heard the sound of the cap opening. He shifted slightly, trying to position himself better, more open for Yuuji to do as he pleased. The alpha placed a hand on his ass, pulling the cheek slightly aside before a cold, slick finger pressed onto his entrance.

“You know,” Yuuji said slowly as he teased Kuroo’s hole before slowly pushing his finger in. “I always love to watch how the ass twitches in anticipation.”

He then pulled his finger out to stroke over the pucker again, and Kuroo keened. Yuuji giggled happily, and if Kuroo wasn’t as horny as he was he would have turned around and kissed the alpha for being too cute. Then Yuuji pushed his finger back inside, all the way to the knuckles, and Kuroo pushed his ass closer, already needing more.

“Eager,” Yuuji said and playfully slapped Kuroo’s ass with his free hand.

Kuroo’s cock twitched with arousal and the sound he made challenged any other sounds he had ever made during sex.

“Oh, you liked that,” Yuuji said thoughtfully.

Kuroo only whined, letting his head hang low below his shoulders, eyes squeezed shut and shivers running down his spine. Yuuji’s free hand was caressing his ass as he wiggled his finger inside. Kuroo moaned, his elbows starting to bed under his weight.

“I wish I could give you what you want,” Yuuji said somewhat thoughtfully when he added a second finger inside Kuroo. “But I’ve never even thought of spanking someone.”

Kuroo was shaking slightly, insides tightening as Yuuji spoke and his hand kneaded the muscles of Kuroo’s ass. His fingers were pushing in with intent, spreading apart slightly as Kuroo’s hole was stretched, teased open for what was to come.

“I’ve never really thought about it either,” Kuroo managed to say, his voice trembling.

“Really?” Yuuji asked, pushing his fingers all the way in hard and fast. “So it’s a new discovery? That you just made with me?”

Kuroo moaned as Yuuji’s fingers were now brushing over his prostate. His arms were barely holding his upper body up anymore and his legs were starting to shake with tension.

“I guess,” he finally said before a broken moan. “I already knew I like when it hurts.”

“What else do you like?” Yuuji asked. “I mean, we never explicitly talked about that, but I’d like to know.”

Kuroo tried to collect his thoughts to form coherent words, but Yuuji’s fingers over his prostate were making it difficult.

“I’d like to know if there’s something I can do for you,” Yuuji then added after some thought.

He withdrew his fingers almost all the way to allow for Kuroo to speak. It took a moment before Kuroo felt collected enough to try.

“I like feeling small,” he said. “Weak. I like being dominated.”

Yuuji hummed in response.

“But,” Kuroo continued and whined in frustration of how Yuuji’s fingers were barely holding him open, denying him of the feeling of being filled that he so craved. “I’m not into extreme stuff, I guess.”

“Alright,” Yuuji said, adding a third finger inside Kuroo before fucking him with them.

Kuroo finally allowed his arms to give in and slumped down to the bed. Yuuji pulled his fingers out.

“I believe I told you to stay on your hands and knees,” he said sternly, “not on your chest and knees.”

Kuroo took a deep breath, his brain slowly working on what was said. When he didn’t do anything, Yuuji moved away from him, eventually standing up.

“Suit yourself then,” he said and made his way to the door.

“No, wait,” Kuroo said with a whimper and pushed himself up, leaning on his shaky arms again.

“That’s better,” Yuuji said and returned to the bed.

He stroked Kuroo’s back as he pushed all three fingers back inside, moving them hard and fast but making sure to not aim at Kuroo’s prostate. Kuroo couldn’t control his hips, pushing them back to meet Yuuji’s fingers and trying to angle them differently. Yuuji pulled his fingers out. He chuckled at the way Kuroo whined.

Kuroo turned to look back, but Yuuji lightly slapped his buttock.

“No peeking!” he said, and Kuroo immediately turned away.

He listened to the wet sounds coming from Yuuji and wondered if he could dare hope it meant that the alpha was slicking up his cock. His ass was twitching with the feeling of emptiness, needing to be filled again, to be stretched even more open. He couldn’t help little whimpers developing in his throat, and he listened to how hard Yuuji was breathing.

“Alright,” Yuuji said quietly, as if speaking to himself.

Yuuji’s voice went straight to Kuroo’s cock and he felt fresh drops of pre-come pearl over his slit before becoming too heavy and dropping onto the sheets.

“Get up then,” Yuuji said.

Kuroo didn’t immediately understand what he meant, but Yuuji moved him out of the way and lay down on the bed. He looked up at Kuroo and took a hold of the base of his cock.

“I told you I want you to ride me,” he said and smirked.

Kuroo licked his lips as his brain was slowly starting to understand how erotic Yuuji was, lying there with a hand on his cock, cheeks blushing lightly and hair starting to escape its gelled shape. Kuroo took a while longer to collect himself before moving to straddle Yuuji’s hips. His legs were trembling. Yuuji stroked his thigh with his free hand, the other keeping his cock still as Kuroo slowly descended onto it enough to push the tip inside.

“You look so good, Tetsurou,” Yuuji said, eyes aimed at Kuroo’s lower regions.

Kuroo glanced down and tried to imagine what it would look like to have Yuuji in his place, see how the alpha was slowly taking his cock in as his own cock was throbbing with pre-come sliding down the shaft. He groaned and continued taking Yuuji in all the way.

Kuroo sat still on Yuuji’s hips for a moment before rolling his hips slowly, testing the feeling. He felt full, stretched, and he had to close his eyes for a while to be able to take it all in. Yuuji seemed to have trouble staying still, cock pushing harder into Kuroo as his hips jerked.

Slowly Kuroo lifted himself up before slamming down. The movement caused Yuuji to moan, head thrown back, and Kuroo leaned slightly forward to support himself with his hands pressed onto Yuuji’s chest. Yuuji’s hands were on his thighs, fingertips digging in as Kuroo started moving in earnest.

Kuroo didn’t stop anymore, only focused on the pleasure of bouncing on Yuuji’s cock. Yuuji filled him so well, reaching deeper than in another position, and Kuroo moved with all his might. Yuuji’s fingers were pressing onto his thighs, nails starting to dig in. Kuroo was moaning. He looked at Yuuji’s face that was twisted with pleasure. The alpha’s hips were pushing up to meet Kuroo, skin slapping loudly together as Yuuji scratched down Kuroo’s legs.

The sting was foreign but good, and Kuroo was certain that he was going to come. He straightened his back to angle Yuuji’s cock differently. Yuuji was starting to moan too, and it was driving Kuroo wild.

“Ah, Tetsurou,” Yuuji groaned. “You’re so sexy right now. So perfect.”

Kuroo nearly howled with the pleasure pooling inside him. His cock was rocking with his movements, aching to be touched, but Kuroo was teasing himself, only placing his hands on Yuuji’s legs behind him, back bowing backwards as the angle of his movements changed again.

“Yeah, Tetsurou,” Yuuji breathed.

Kuroo was so close. His balls were starting to feel tight and his muscles contracting, when Yuuji took a hold of his hips and stopped him.

“What?” Kuroo asked, voice unnaturally high.

“Off,” was all Yuuji said.

Kuroo took a moment to understand. Before he could question Yuuji’s command, the alpha was pushing him off. Kuroo stumbled, Yuuji’s cock pulling off as the alpha sat up and took a hold of Kuroo. Kuroo allowed himself to be placed onto a familiar position, on his hands and knees, and Yuuji was quickly behind him.

Yuuji placed his hands onto Kuroo’s ass, pulling the cheeks apart, one hand still slick with lube. His cock was poking at Kuroo’s entrance, making the alpha moan and tighten his hands into fists.

“You’re so cute when you’re needy,” Yuuji said light-heartedly.

Before Kuroo could react to his words, Yuuji had let go of one of his buttocks and pushed his cock inside. The stretch was delicious, making Kuroo’s head spin and heat pool in his stomach. Yuuji’s push was relentless and when his hips met Kuroo’s ass he moved both of his hands to Kuroo’s hips.

Yuuji didn’t wait to start pushing into Kuroo, balls slapping to the other alpha’s ass with the force of it. Kuroo let Yuuji do as he pleased, his body being pulled back to meet Yuuji’s forceful thrusts.

Pleasure was quickly building up again, and Kuroo wondered if he was going to come without touching himself. He wanted to touch, he wanted to jerk himself to completion, but if he moved his hands he would collapse onto the bed, and he wasn’t ready to risk Yuuji pulling out again because he wasn’t in the position Yuuji had put him in.

Just as Kuroo was thinking this, Yuuji reached a hand to his front and took a hold of his cock. His hold was slack and he was only using a couple of fingers, but to Kuroo it was bliss.

It didn’t take long for Kuroo to reach his peak and come with Yuuji milking his cock throughout the orgasm. Kuroo’s arms were weak, and he was certain he would fall onto his face any moment.

Yuuji calmed his movements and bent down, chest pressing onto Kuroo’s back. He took a hold of Kuroo’s arms and pulled them back, slowly lowering Kuroo to lie on his chest. Yuuji remained on top of Kuroo, breathing right into his ear and warm skin making Kuroo feel like he was completely overpowered. He was still slightly delirious from his orgasm, still breathing hard and fast, but Yuuji’s weight over him made his arousal spike again. He wasn’t sure if it was going to take him over again, he wasn’t sure if he really wanted it to, but for the moment he was too pleased to do anything but let it happen.

Yuuji was fucking into him with strength, and it didn’t take long before Kuroo could feel his cock swelling, slowly forming a knot, and for a moment he thought Yuuji was going to knot him. The alpha then pulled out, so close to the edge that it was a struggle and the forming knot stretched Kuroo more open.

Kuroo moaned, wishing that he could feel the knot stretch him wide. Yuuji hadn’t pulled out entirely, still fucking into Kuroo but making sure to keep the knot outside. It was pressing against Kuroo’s hole with each thrust, and Kuroo hardly even understood that he was coming again.

When Kuroo’s mind returned to his body, he realised he had slumped to his side and there was come on his hip, starting from his buttock and dripping down his hip bone. Yuuji was lying behind him, pulling him tightly against his body and kissing his nape.

“Fuck, that was good,” Yuuji mumbled in between kisses.

“Yeah,” Kuroo said, still not quite able to form coherent thoughts.

He wanted to stay there, in this state of feeling with his body and not caring about anything else. Yuuji was nuzzling to his shoulder and he smiled. He listened to the way the other alpha was breathing, the sound comforting, and Kuroo took a hold of one of Yuuji’s hands, tangling their fingers together.

“What’s with this boyfriend action?” Yuuji asked and laughed quietly.

“You don’t like it?” Kuroo asked, somewhat tired.

“It feels nice,” Yuuji said.

Kuroo closed his eyes, focusing on the way his hand was over Yuuji’s hand. Surprisingly it felt more intimate than all the sex they had had, but it wasn’t a bad thing. It made Kuroo’s heart feel lighter.

“I’ve never really had anyone who would have wanted to hold my hand,” Yuuji said then.

“Really?” Kuroo asked.

He pulled slightly away from Yuuji to turn to lie on his back. Yuuji looked at him with a flushed face, but Kuroo was almost certain it was still red from sex.

“Really,” Yuuji said. “I’ve never had a proper boyfriend.”

“Aww,” Kuroo crooned. “I’ll hold your hand any day!”

“How kind of you,” Yuuji said with a giggle.

The way he laughed made Kuroo’s entire being smile. They looked at each other for a moment, in comfortable silence.

“Hey,” Yuuji said, let go of Kuroo’s hand and lifted his upper body up, leaning on his elbows.

“Well hello,” Kuroo answered and smiled at how easily Yuuji laughed.

“The omega you liked,” Yuuji said, causing Kuroo’s heart to clench. “His name’s Sugawara Koushi, isn’t it?”

“How do you know that?” Kuroo asked, suddenly afraid that he had accidentally shared too much.

Yuuji shrugged.

“It’s just that we happened to have a game against this school called Karasuno last month,” Yuuji said and smirked.

Kuroo jumped to sit up.

“What?” he shouted.

“No need to yell,” Yuuji said and turned to his side to better see Kuroo.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Kuroo asked.

“I just did,” Yuuji said. “I don’t see why you’re so worked up over it.”

Kuroo stopped to think. If he was being honest, he wasn’t quite sure either. It was the shock of suddenly finding out something like that, the surprise of knowing that a part of his life was revealed to someone who wasn’t a part of that.

“He’s really cute,” Yuuji said conversationally when Kuroo didn’t reply.

“Yeah,” Kuroo just said and tried his hardest not to think about Suga.

“They have a really cute libero too,” Yuuji continued.

Kuroo looked at him differently at that.

“You think?” he asked.

Yuuji nodded and smirked. Kuroo had to think for a while before he could move his thoughts away from Sugawara and Sawamura to the team’s libero.

“I like his energy,” Yuuji said. “Maybe I should try to get to know him better.”

Kuroo snorted.

“Don’t laugh at me!” Yuuji retorted and reached a hand out to slap Kuroo on the arm.

“I’m not laughing!” Kuroo tried. “I just thought it’s amusing how you’re here in bed with me thinking about another guy.”

“I wasn’t thinking about him during sex, if that’s what you want to know,” Yuuji said with an awful smirk on his face.

“That did not worry me,” Kuroo said and relaxed a bit now that the initial shock had left him.

“So, Tetsurou,” Yuuji said, batting his lashes innocently. “What was your first thought when I mentioned Karasuno?”

Kuroo’s cheeks were immediately heating up. Yuuji’s eyes were intently looking at him, and he didn’t know what to do to not appear so apparently flustered.

“I mean,” Yuuji continued, “I already have a guess but I’d like to know for real.”

Kuroo cleared his thoughts.

“I’m not sure,” he said slowly. “Maybe it might have been Sawamura.”

Kuroo couldn’t look at Yuuji any longer when the alpha smiled victoriously.

“I knew you like him,” Yuuji said.

“I don’t know,” Kuroo said. “I really don’t know.”

“You want to know what else,” Yuuji said before Kuroo could really get into his uncertain thoughts.

“I’m not sure,” Kuroo said truthfully enough.

“I saw Sawamura last week,” Yuuji said. “I was visiting a friend and saw him go home.”

Kuroo wasn’t sure how to react to this.

“How do you know it was his house?” he finally asked.

“Well,” Yuuji said slowly, stretching his arms and settling better. “He had a key. And when I left I walked past that house to check and it said Sawamura.”

“Wow,” Kuroo said.

Somehow he felt uneasy about knowing that Yuuji knew where Sawamura lived.

“He didn’t see me, though,” Yuuji said. “So he won’t think you’re stalking him via a friend.”

Kuroo couldn’t help snorting.

“I’m not sure he even remembers me that well,” Yuuji then added.

“You’re so forgettable,” Kuroo said and rolled his eyes.

“I know,” Yuuji said with a dramatic sigh before cracking up.

Kuroo yelped as Yuuji suddenly jumped up to wrap his arms around him and pull him down.

“Let’s cuddle some more, Tetsurou,” he said. “I liked it.”

Kuroo smiled and settled down next to his friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been naughty and worked on this fic instead of everything else I should do, shhh.


	3. The Visit

Kuroo spent the following week feeling empty. He kept picking up his phone to send Sawamura a hello or even call him, but something stopped him each time. It had always been Sawamura who contacted him first, so the silence was a clear indicator of what the alpha must have thought about him. Or that the alpha wasn’t thinking about him at all.

Kuroo’s mind had been so preoccupied by Sawamura that he had been completely off during volleyball practise. During a break Kenma had approached him.

“What’s wrong?” he had asked.

“I’m just,” Kuroo thought about what he could say. “Someone broke my heart again.”

“Oh,” was Kenma’s response, and Kuroo heard the sympathy in it.

“I’ll be better,” Kuroo said, not entirely sure whether he was referring to the practise or his life in general.

“I know that,” Kenma said and touched Kuroo’s back softly.

Kuroo had tried to focus better after the break but it was impossible to move on when it was a complete mystery. He didn’t know what he was supposed to be moving on from.

He was still thinking hard after the practise ended later than usual. He told Kenma to go ahead and headed to another direction himself.

 _Why don’t you just call him_? Kuroo questioned himself. He knew the answer too: he was afraid that Sawamura wouldn’t pick up, that he would be ignored and that would be it.

 _Why am I so obsessed with damn Sawamura_? was his next question to himself. He thought of all the times he had insisted that he didn’t have a crush on the alpha. He also knew what his real feelings were, but he wasn’t quite ready to think it yet. Putting it into words would make it more real, and it being more real would hurt him more when he would eventually be rejected.

Kuroo tried to breathe steadily as he called Yuuji to ask for a favour.

*

It was already late, and Kuroo hesitated. He should have thought before acting. It was rude to just show up at someone’s house late in the evening. He had no choice but to ring the doorbell, as he knew that there would be no trains until early morning.

The door was opened by a beautiful woman with her thick hair framing her friendly face.

“Good evening, Sawamura-san,” Kuroo said and bowed. “I’m terribly sorry to bother you at this hour, but I’m looking for Sawa- I mean, Daichi-kun.”

The woman scoffed quietly but then smiled.

“Just a moment,” she said and closed the door.

Kuroo wondered if this was her way of telling him to piss off, but he remained there by the door, heart raising and sweat making him shiver in the cool night.

The door opened again, and this time it was the right Sawamura.

“Kuroo?” he asked as if he couldn’t believe his eyes.

“Yeah,” Kuroo said and scratched the back of his head, not quite able to face Sawamura. “I’m sorry for dropping by like this, but I wanted to talk.”

“You wanted to talk,” Sawamura repeated, “so you travelled all the way here to show up at my doorstep at night?”

“Well, it’s not that late yet,” Kuroo tried, although he was very much aware of the fact that the clock was getting close to 10.

“Come in,” Sawamura said and flashed a forced smile. “You came here to talk, so we’ll talk.”

Kuroo followed Sawamura to his bedroom.

“I’m really sorry for bothering you,” Kuroo said.

Sawamura turned to look at him and shrugged.

“It’s okay,” he said, although his voice wasn’t very convincing.

Kuroo awkwardly stood there by the door.

“You can close the door if you want to talk,” Sawamura said.

“Oh, yeah,” Kuroo replied and turned to close the door.

He stepped just a bit farther into the room. It looked so much like Sawamura, and Kuroo wasn’t even sure how to explain the feeling. It also smelled like Sawamura, and suddenly Kuroo’s chest felt tight.

“I shouldn’t have come,” he said and turned around, but before opening the door remembered that there were no trains.

“Well, you’re here now,” Sawamura said.

Kuroo heard him sit down onto his bed. He slowly lowered his hands to hang by his side. His head was also hanging low, shoulders slumped, and he felt like he wouldn’t be able to straighten himself even if he wanted to.

“What did you want to talk about?” Sawamura asked.

Kuroo remained still for a while longer before taking in a deep breath and turning around. He looked at Sawamura, whose eyes were on him. The alpha looked curious, and Kuroo took it as encouragement. At least he wasn’t being shoved out of the door.

“You can sit here,” Sawamura said, gesturing to the bed.

Kuroo slowly stepped closer, trying to quickly establish how far away from Sawamura he should sit to not make it uncomfortable for the both of them, but more so for Sawamura. He sat down only to look at how far away he was and felt ridiculous. Stiffly he turned his body more towards the other alpha.

“I’m not sure where to start,” he said quietly.

Sawamura looked at him briefly before looking away. Kuroo wondered how he should feel about it, but couldn’t come to a conclusion fast enough, so he chose to ignore it for the time being.

“Maybe from the easiest thing?” Sawamura suggested, eyes not meeting Kuroo’s.

“I’m not sure any part of it is really easy,” Kuroo admitted, knowing full well how much of a clue it was to Sawamura.

He wanted to roll his eyes at himself. Of course Sawamura already had an idea about why he was there.

“Can I ask you something?” Sawamura asked suddenly.

Kuroo had to look at him for a moment before daring to answer.

“Yes,” he said then. “Sure.”

“How did you know where I live?” Sawamura asked.

Kuroo’s face heated up. He scratched the back of his head, trying to come up with an explanation that wouldn’t make it sounds suspicious or creepy. Eventually he decided that the truth was the best option.

“My friend’s friend lives somewhere close by,” Kuroo said. “And he happened to see you come home.”

Sawamura nodded quietly. Kuroo wasn’t quite sure if it meant that the alpha believed the explanation, but at least it seemed that for now it was accepted.

Silence fell between them again. Kuroo wasn’t really looking at Sawamura, but he could see how uncomfortable the alpha looked. He himself felt just as awkward, hands finding each other on his lap and fingers tangling to the hem of his shirt.

“Daichi,” a voice said from behind the door, startling both of the alphas inside.

Sawamura immediately got up and went to the door. Kuroo glanced there. The same woman that had opened the door for him was standing there.

“You should go to sleep soon,” the woman said. “I can’t stay up later to make sure you do, so you make sure you do.”

“I will, I will,” Sawamura said softly.

“That’s a good boy,” the woman smirked and patted Sawamura on the head. “Good night, boys!”

She smiled at Kuroo, who tried his best to smile back and not appear stiff and fearful. Sawamura closed the door after she had turned and headed away.

“Is she your…” Kuroo began but wasn’t quite sure where to take the question.

“My sister,” Sawamura said and sat back down on the bed. “My parents are on a trip together and asked her to keep an eye on me.”

“As if you need a babysitter,” Kuroo laughed.

Sawamura laughed too, and for a moment Kuroo felt the same he had felt when Sawamura visited him and they were together, simply together like two friends. The laughter died soon, however, and they were left in silence.

“So,” Sawamura said before the quiet had really settled around them. “What did you want to talk about?”

Kuroo took a deep breath. He may have come here on a whim, but he knew exactly what it was he wanted to say. Now it was just the matter of saying it.

“I just wanted to tell you,” Kuroo started to say, but then paused for a moment before trying again. “It bothers me.”

Sawamura looked confused, which was expected. Kuroo forced his voice out again.

“How you came to see me,” he continued. “And you said you wanted to talk but we never did, and then you were gone in the morning.”

Sawamura averted his eyes.

“It bothers me to know,” Kuroo added, “that there was something that you never told me.”

“I didn’t think it was necessary any longer,” Sawamura said quietly.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Kuroo asked.

Sawamura was breathing nervously and Kuroo’s hands were shaking. Even though they had been chatting for quite a while, they weren’t really friends. Kuroo wasn’t sure what they were. They were more than acquaintances, but less than friends.

“What did you come to talk to me about?” Kuroo asked, when Sawamura didn’t say anything.

“It doesn’t matter,” Sawamura said and shook his head. “I already got my answer.”

Kuroo tried to find even the smallest clue from Sawamura’s words to decipher their meaning. He had gone through the events of that night over and over again in his head, losing sleep because of it or forgetting to pay attention in class and practise. In two weeks he hadn’t been able to figure out what had happened. There was no way he would be able to suddenly figure it out now.

“But you never asked me anything,” Kuroo pointed out.

“I didn’t have to,” Sawamura said.

He wasn’t even looking at Kuroo’s direction any longer. Kuroo was getting irritated.

“Well, since you won’t talk to me I guess I’ll have to go with my own assumptions then,” he said.

“What are those assumptions?” Sawamura asked before biting his lip.

Kuroo wasn’t sure if he really wanted to say. He had thought about it, but the irritation he was now feeling had the potential to soon turn to something else if he gave it a chance to do so. He definitely didn’t feel like crying in front of Sawamura again.

“Maybe you just wanted to know what it’s like to be a freak,” Kuroo said quietly, managing to keep his voice steady. “You found out so there was no need for you to stay in contact anymore.”

Sawamura turned to look at him with his eyes wide. Kuroo would have wanted to believe that the alpha looked horrified, but he didn’t want to trust his interpretation. He was too hopeful, even after all the years of knowing that his life would always be a hopeless chain of misplaced feelings and disappointments, abuse and horrible words from people, one after another they would all leave him.

“How can you even think that?” Sawamura asked.

“That’s what it was, right?” Kuroo asked, voice trembling lightly. “You got your curiosity sated so it’s bye-bye for disgusting gay Kuroo.”

Kuroo felt himself crumbling, and he didn’t like it one bit. He would have to pull himself together. He had to calm down.

“You’re wrong,” Sawamura said firmly.

“Then what is it?” Kuroo asked. “I’m too ugly now that you looked closer?”

“Stop saying that!” Sawamura said and reached out to take a hold of Kuroo’s arm. “Stop berating yourself like that.”

“What else am I supposed to think?” Kuroo asked.

He wanted to pull away from Sawamura’s hold, but the warmth of his hand felt like calm and he badly needed it.

“Why are you implying that there’s something wrong with you when it’s clearly the other way around?” Sawamura asked.

Kuroo stopped. He had no idea what the alpha was talking about. He was not only confused and irritated, he was getting angry: angry at himself for coming and making his own life more miserable, and angry at Sawamura for still not saying what it was.

“I came here to tell you I miss you,” Kuroo said quietly. “If I had known that you can’t talk about things properly I would have stayed home and just removed your number from my phone.”

“What?” Sawamura asked and leaned closer.

“What?” Kuroo replied.

He was frowning at Sawamura whose face was way too close for comfort.

“You missed me,” Sawamura said quietly.

Kuroo felt a blush spread on his cheeks. He hadn’t quite meant to say it out loud, but it had slipped.

“Yeah, I said that,” he said, trying to appear angry instead of sad.

Sawamura was staring at him intently. Kuroo tried to lean back, but it seemed like there was a magnet pulling Sawamura with him.

“Why?” Sawamura asked.

Kuroo spluttered.

“What kind of a question is that!” he replied. “This was stupid. I’ll just go sleep at the railway station.”

He didn’t make a move to leave, however. As much as he didn’t want to admit it there was something about the way Sawamura looked at him that kept him there.

“You made it quite clear when I visited,” Sawamura said and suddenly leaned away, letting go of Kuroo’s arm and withdrawing to himself, “that you don’t… want me.”

“What?” Kuroo asked.

He must have heard it wrong. That’s it. The turmoil of emotion that had been inside him ever since the day he fell for Suga had finally had a big enough effect on him to make him lose it. He was imagining things. He was imagining words that Sawamura said instead of hearing what was really said.

“I came to see you,” Sawamura said, “because I wanted to find out if I was really feeling the way that I thought I did. And because I thought that you felt it too.”

Sawamura quickly glanced at Kuroo, eyes dark and somehow sad, and Kuroo couldn’t believe what was happening. He was staring at Sawamura, trying to process everything that the alpha was telling him.

“But you’re in love with Bokuto,” Sawamura said. “I should have… I shouldn’t have kissed you.”

Sawamura’s hands were fists on his thighs, and Kuroo was sure there was no need to remind the alpha that they had done much more than kissing. So much more. He had thought about it a lot, had tried to remember what it felt like to have Sawamura so close to him.

“I snapped out of it when you yelled at Bokuto that I wasn’t your boyfriend,” Sawamura said. “I’m sorry that I put you in that situation.”

Kuroo’s mouth had opened at some point and he was staring at Sawamura in disbelief.

“What?” he asked weakly.

Sawamura turned to look at him. His eyes were full of something that brought tears to Kuroo’s eyes, no matter how hard he had been fighting them. He turned to look away, a hand over his mouth and thoughts going so fast he felt dizzy. He blinked his eyes furiously to stop himself from crying. He swallowed and turned to look at Sawamura dead on.

“Are you saying that you have feelings for me?” he asked.

Sawamura blushed and looked at Kuroo from the corner of his eye.

“It doesn’t matter,” he said.

“Of course it matters!” Kuroo replied and shifted to lean closer to the alpha. “Why do you think I would be here if it didn’t matter?”

Sawamura shrugged.

“Okay, listen,” Kuroo said and sat back properly. “It’s true that I still love Bokuto, but _that’s_ what doesn’t matter. We can never be, because he’s… not like me. He loves Suga and he will never love me. And I’m working on it. It’s just hard to get over someone when he’s your best friend, you know.”

Kuroo felt discouraged when Sawamura didn’t turn to look at him. Thinking about Bokuto made him sad too. The tears that he had already forced down several times were creeping back, and he wanted to stop thinking.

Sawamura remained quiet, and Kuroo now had a lump in his throat that stopped him from continuing. He was getting so tired of always being sad, so tired of life treating him like shit and turning each new opportunity into a disaster. If he had never met Bokuto or Sugawara, he would have been fine. He wouldn’t have to grit his teeth when Bokuto texted him excitedly about his mate, he wouldn’t have to try to explain his feelings to himself every single day just so he doesn’t get overwhelmed by them in every turn.

“Bokuto was the first person to ever accept me the way I am,” he said quietly.

His voice was unsteady but at least he wasn’t sobbing. Tears were running down his cheeks, but at least Sawamura couldn’t see it because his head was still turned away.

“I didn’t want to fall in love with him,” he added after a moment’s thought.

Snot was starting to accumulate in his nose, and eventually he had to sniff. The sound made Sawamura turn to look. Kuroo wanted to turn away, to hide under the bed or jump out of the window – anything to keep Sawamura from seeing him so pathetic again. He wanted Sawamura to turn away in disgust.

Instead Sawamura reached out and took a hold of his hand. Kuroo grasped at the offered hand like it was going to save him from drowning any deeper into his emotions.

“I think I confused love and friendship,” Kuroo said, words blurring together in his mouth. “But aren’t they really the same?”

Sawamura shifted closer and Kuroo let out a surprised whimper when the alpha pulled him into a hug. He didn’t say anything, just held Kuroo close to him, slowly stroking his back.

Kuroo hadn’t expected that, and it only made him cry harder.

“We promised not to fall for each other,” he whimpered. “And he didn’t. He found an omega.”

“You liked Suga too,” Sawamura asked.

Kuroo pressed his eyes against the alpha’s shoulder.

“I never liked an omega before,” he mumbled. “I thought he could be my chance to be normal. But of course he wanted Bokuto. Maybe I smell like a failure. Maybe he could sense that I’m no good.”

“Do you want to know what you smell like?” Sawamura asked.

Kuroo’s heart bounced differently. He nodded.

“You smell sweet,” Sawamura said. “And softly spicy. You smell like a sunny day. When I noticed your scent at the… at that place where we ran into each other, I didn’t understand why it made me feel so different. I never noticed it before, but your scent made my heart do this weird thing, like it was trying to jump out of my chest.”

Kuroo shivered. Sawamura was still stroking him in a calming manner.

“When we were apart and I got to know you more as we chatted,” Sawamura continued in his low voice. “The more I talked to you the more I felt like maybe this was something special. But it was hard to know with the distance, so I wanted to come see you and find out if I still felt it.”

Sawamura breathed. His other hand slid up to Kuroo’s hair to stroke there too.

“I though you felt it too,” he said. “Until you…”

“Until I ruined it all,” Kuroo said.

“I guess it wasn’t your fault, really,” Sawamura said. “Maybe it’s just good that Bokuto interrupted us. It really opened my eyes.”

Kuroo’s head shot up. His tears had stopped flowing, but they were still close to returning.

“Sawamura,” he said thickly. “Did you just completely ignore me telling you that I missed you and that I have feelings for you?”

Sawamura’s head leaned slightly to the side.

“You didn’t say that,” he said.

“Fuck,” Kuroo said, pulled away and wiped his face quickly.

He looked at Sawamura, who was looking back.

“Sawamura,” Kuroo said. “I like you. Please, give me a chance.”

Sawamura looked at him like he was searching for something. Kuroo wanted to avert his eyes, but forced himself to keep looking.

“Please, tell me what exactly happened between you and Bokuto that night,” Sawamura said.

Kuroo was completely taken aback by the request. He had expected Sawamura to tell him he likes him and then kiss or laugh awkwardly.

“I know you said he kissed you,” Sawamura said, looking embarrassed, “but I just find it so hard to imagine what kind of a kiss would give you such a hard-on.”

Kuroo blinked slowly.

“You want to know how he kissed me?” he asked.

Sawamura nodded.

Kuroo licked his lips quickly before leaning forward and capturing the alpha’s lips with his own. He couldn’t remember exactly how Bokuto had kissed him at that particular time, but he tried to imitate the way Bokuto always used to kiss when they were still doing it. He pressed their bodies close and tried to ignore how weird it was to think that he was kissing Sawamura while pretending to be Bokuto kissing himself.

Kuroo’s stomach jumped when Sawamura returned the kiss, eagerly allowing his tongue to enter and pulling him closer. Kuroo liked the way Sawamura tasted, liked the way his mouth felt under his exploring tongue, and he had to constantly remind himself that this wasn’t a real kiss, this was just a demonstration before they could get to the real kiss.

When Kuroo felt like the kiss had lasted about the same time he and Bokuto’s had, he pulled away. Sawamura was panting lightly, face red and lips wet with saliva. He opened his eyes and looked up to Kuroo.

“That’s how he kissed me,” Kuroo said.

He couldn’t help glancing down to Sawamura’s crotch. Sawamura squealed in an uncharacteristic way and tried to pull his legs up to hide the fact that he had, in fact, gotten hard. His face was completely red, and there was something adorable about the way he turned his head and had his eyes cast down.

“I see,” he said breathily.

Kuroo moved away from Sawamura and sat down on the bed again. Sawamura took his time breathing before sitting up slowly. They were now closer than they had been at the beginning, and Kuroo found his heart beating irregularly.

“That’s what happened?” Sawamura said rather than asked.

He was looking forward, chewing his cheek in thought. Kuroo didn’t say anything. He didn’t think it was necessary at this point. He had said everything he had thought to say. He waited for Sawamura to calm down and talk to him.

Sawamura took long to collect himself. Eventually he did turn to look at Kuroo. Kuroo himself was now looking away and could only see Sawamura from the corner of his eye. He wondered if he had the guts to face the alpha again. His stomach was fluttering.

“So,” Sawamura said slowly, still appearing to search for the right words. “I think I should tell you what I wanted to tell you two weeks ago.”

Kuroo slowly turned to look at Sawamura. His eyes were round and gentle and his face so soft Kuroo couldn’t look, he had to turn his eyes away. He looked at Sawamura’s shoulder instead, hoping that he wouldn’t have to completely look away.

“I think I’ve fallen for you, Kuroo,” Sawamura said.

His voice was somehow rough, like he was nervous but trying to hide it, like he was excited but trying to contain it. Kuroo swallowed. He licked his lips and glanced at Sawamura before looking back down. He reached out to take a hold of Sawamura’s hand.

“So you like me,” Kuroo said. “And I like you.”

“So it would seem,” Sawamura said.

The silence that fell this time wasn’t uncomfortable. It was filled with electricity, and as Sawamura shifted Kuroo could smell his arousal better. He closed his eyes and leaned closer, just to smell Sawamura’s scent, to get excited about the strong alpha who was right next to him.

“Kuroo,” Sawamura said tentatively.

Kuroo opened his eyes and looked at the alpha. Sawamura lifted his hand to his cheek, thumb stroking soft circled onto the skin.

“You’re not ugly,” Sawamura said.

Kuroo hadn’t expected that. He blinked.

“I mean,” Sawamura quickly continued, clearly alarmed by whatever face Kuroo was making. “You said you’re unattractive. I think you’re really handsome.”

Kuroo didn’t know what to say. He looked at the way Sawamura’s eyes were roaming his face, and he might have felt self-conscious if it was anyone else. Right at this moment Sawamura felt so right he wouldn’t have minded exposing all the ugly sides of him.

“You,” Kuroo tried to say something, but his thoughts were still a mess. “Don’t you think my hair is stupid?”

Kuroo wanted to kick himself for saying something so ridiculous. Sawamura smiled.

“It’s maybe a bit silly,” he said, “but not without its charm.”

Kuroo felt his face heat up. He couldn’t bear to face the alpha any longer. He would have pulled his hand away too if Sawamura wasn’t holding it. Gently Sawamura turned his head to face him again, the soft touch of his fingers soothing over his skin.

“Kuroo,” Sawamura said, and Kuroo couldn’t help wondering what the alpha was still going to say to embarrass him further. “Would you like to give us a shot?”

Kuroo looked at Sawamura, looked into his eyes. They were a beautiful shade of brown, so alluring in their softness.

“You mean you want to be boyfriends?” he asked instead of giving an answer.

“Yes,” Sawamura said. “I’d like that very much.”

Kuroo had to close his eyes for a moment to keep his emotions in control. He had never in his life imagined that one day he would hear that question, that one day there would be someone who really wanted him.

“Yes,” he said before opening his eyes and looking at Sawamura again. “Yes, I’d like it too.”

Sawamura smiled. Kuroo couldn’t bear to look at him and leaned in to kiss him. Sawamura made a sound in his throat when their lips met, a content sound that made Kuroo’s heart swell with joy. He took a hold of Sawamura’s hair with his free hand, slightly tugging before settling his fingers against the alpha’s scalp, sliding down slowly to his nape. Sawamura sucked on his tongue, making him moan quietly as his fingers pressed harder against the alpha’s nape.

Sawamura placed his free hand onto Kuroo’s waist, letting it slowly slide down to his hips as they kissed, bodies pressing closer and shifting until they were lying down, limbs tangled into each other and mouths open as their tongues lapped at one another.

Sawamura swayed his hips against Kuroo, his erection still present and hard. Kuroo wanted to taste him. He pushed a leg between Sawamura’s thighs, and Sawamura started grinding against it. This also allowed Kuroo to rub his own groin onto Sawamura’s thigh, the amazing strong limb that Kuroo had been admiring from afar.

Sawamura broke the kiss and pulled away before sitting up.

“Kuroo,” he said, voice low and thick.

“Sawamura,” Kuroo replied breathily and sat up as well.

“Maybe you should know that I’m still not completely over Suga,” Sawamura said.

“Oh,” was Kuroo’s reply.

He wasn’t sure how to feel about it, or how to feel about the fact that Sawamura had felt it necessary to bring it up in the middle of their grinding.

“So I really understand how you feel about Bokuto,” Sawamura continued. “I was jealous.”

Kuroo looked at Sawamura’s face. There was something round about it, something incredibly soft that made him want to squeeze the alpha’s cheeks and kiss him silly.

“I have done my best to accept the fact that Suga now has someone else,” Sawamura said, “but it still hurts to think about it.”

Kuroo’s ears were burning. He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to feel, but his emotions didn’t require a permission. He was starting to feel emptiness spread inside him, jealousy and disappointment sticking onto his skin like tar.

“But I also noticed,” Sawamura continued, “that the more I thought about you the less I thought about Suga. The more I thought about the possibility of being together with you the less it hurt me when Suga talked about his relationship.”

Kuroo’s negative feelings were dissolving again, although a nagging feeling remained. Something, that told him that this wouldn’t be easy.

“I think it means that I’m starting to get over him,” Sawamura said. “And that I really, really like you.”

Sawamura took a hold of both of Kuroo’s hands and looked him in the eyes.

“I really like you, Kuroo,” he said. “And the more I thought about it the happier I was that you came onto me that day.”

Kuroo’s face was thoroughly warm, and he hoped that Sawamura thought it was caused by arousal instead of embarrassment.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to say,” Kuroo said. “But I was always happy to see a message from you.”

Sawamura smiled so happily Kuroo couldn’t help but smile himself.

“If it makes you feel better,” he continued, “my denial over us being together was because I was afraid that you were just trying out something different or that you just went with the flow and didn’t really think it through.”

Kuroo couldn’t help feeling disappointed over the fact that his arousal was fading, but since Sawamura had started the talk, he might as well say everything he might not have the courage to say later.

“I always thought I was somehow wrong,” he said, “for liking alphas and being alpha myself. I never told anyone because it just doesn’t happen. Bokuto was the first one who I… well, I didn’t tell him, he told me that he knew. And he was the first person to suggest to me that maybe I’m perfectly fine like this. That I deserve to live and be happy just like everyone else.”

Sawamura was frowning slightly as Kuroo talked, hands squeezing his own just a bit harder.

“Then I found a community of others who are like me,” Kuroo said. “It’s only been a few months now, and I still don’t fully understand that maybe there really is nothing wrong with me. I have found a friend who’s gay too, and it has helped me a lot, but still… It’s hard, you know. Because everywhere I look I see happy couples, alpha and omega together like they’re supposed to be. And I always felt that I was going to end up being alone because who would want me.”

Kuroo stopped. He was getting emotional, and he didn’t want it. He had cried enough. He was too tired to cry again.

“I had no idea you were struggling with such insecurities,” Sawamura said quietly.

He let go of one of Kuroo’s hands to stroke over his cheek.

“You always seem so strong and confident,” Sawamura said. “I thought that for sure this part of you was something that you accepted and embraced.”

Kuroo laughed sadly. Sawamura cupped his cheek with a hand that was surprisingly soft even with all the callouses.

“I never even dared dream that one day someone would find me interesting,” Kuroo said, leaning his cheek closer to Sawamura’s warm hand. “Even after meeting Yuuji I still couldn’t believe that there could be an alpha who wants to be with me.”

Kuroo couldn’t look Sawamura in the eyes any longer, so he was looking at his jaw. Sawamura had a gently smile on his face.

“I never thought I would meet an alpha who makes me feel like this,” he said in return. “I never knew it was an option.”

Kuroo nodded slightly. Sawamura leaned in and slowly kissed him.

“I know this may sound really stupid or hasty,” Sawamura said, “but right now you make me feel like I have found my mate. That this will last for the rest of our lives.”

Kuroo turned his head lower, lips trembling with feelings. Sawamura let him stay like that for a while before gently turning his face up again. Their eyes met before Sawamura kissed him again, kissed him with intent, and Kuroo opened his mouth immediately after Sawamura licked over his sealed lips. He made a pleased sound as Sawamura’s tongue rubbed against his own, and Sawamura pulled back, took a hold of his lower lip with his teeth and bit down gently before sucking and licking.

They were still holding hands, and Kuroo didn’t want to let go at all. He needed the reassurance that this wasn’t just a dream, that this wasn’t some wild imaginary scene, that Sawamura was really touching him and saying all the nice things. His heart felt light and his stomach was stirring with happy excitement.

When Sawamura pulled away, Kuroo was panting lightly. Sawamura’s lips were red with kissing and Kuroo wanted to kiss him more. There was, however, still a part of him that hesitated.

Sawamura was stroking his cheek with a thumb and squeezed his hand.

“Kuroo,” he said.

Kuroo was sure that his heart was about to burst with how much it had been already skipping beats that night.

“What’s bothering you?” Sawamura asked.

Kuroo looked at his eyes before lowering his gaze.

“Why did you and Suga break up?” he asked in return.

Sawamura was startled by the question, and loosened his hold of Kuroo’s hand before squeezing it again.

“He didn’t,” Sawamura began but then stopped, shook his head and looked at Kuroo. “I didn’t know how to treat him right.”

“What does that mean?” Kuroo asked.

He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to know. Maybe Sawamura would say something that would change everything. Sawamura seemed hesitant too, or maybe he was just thinking about a way to put it. Kuroo tried to force his thoughts to hold still and wait before jumping to conclusions.

“I didn’t know how to make him feel like my equal,” Sawamura said sadly. “Suga always complained that I only saw him as an omega and not a person.”

Kuroo nodded thoughtfully. He tried to figure out what Sawamura was thinking, but couldn’t quite tell from the look on his face.

“Do you think you’re only attracted to me,” Kuroo then said, “because you see it as a way of learning how to see someone as your equal? That maybe somewhere deep down you see this as a chance to make yourself better?”

Sawamura looked at him honestly, but didn’t say anything. The silence continued for a long time. Sawamura pulled his lower lip into his mouth and sucked on it gently before letting it out again. His brows were slightly furrowed and head cocked to the side. Kuroo’s hands were shaking, and he was certain that Sawamura could feel it.

“I never thought of it like that,” Sawamura finally said. “Does that answer your question?”

Kuroo shook his head.

“It doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s not that,” he said and had to look away.

He needed to collect his thoughts. He loosened his hold of Sawamura’s hand, thinking that he would let go, but Sawamura was still holding onto him.

“I don’t want to be an experiment,” Kuroo said quietly. “I don’t want to be a practise for something better.”

Sawamura didn’t say anything, and Kuroo was too afraid to turn to look.

“I told you some of my hardest secrets,” Kuroo continued. “I want you to be honest too.”

Sawamura’s hands was sweating, but he held on to Kuroo. Kuroo wanted to take it as a good sign, but he didn’t dare hope yet.

“I thought you hated me,” Kuroo said then. “I slept with your precious Suga. Doesn’t that make you angry?”

Kuroo glanced at Sawamura only to find his eyes still as soft as ever, teeth worrying his lower lip and face flushed. He looked thoughtful, but Kuroo could have sworn that the alpha was frightened too. He wished there was a way to know, he wished that nature had given alphas the ability to smell each other’s feelings the same way they could smell those of omegas.

“At first it did,” Sawamura said, voice not much more than a whisper. “I was really angry, but not really at you.”

Sawamura cleared his throat.

“I thought I was angry at Suga,” he continued. “I reflected it onto him, thinking that he was a terrible slut who didn’t really deserve me anyway, but then later I came to realise that I was only angry at myself.”

“Why?” Kuroo asked.

He wanted to keep Sawamura talking. He needed to have a resolution to everything.

“Because I failed at being his alpha,” Sawamura said. “I have never felt so useless in my life as I did the day when I realised that he didn’t want me anymore.”

“Please, tell me,” Kuroo said. “I think I need to hear this.”

“Doesn’t it bother you?” Sawamura asked, making Kuroo look at him. “I would imagine that people don’t usually want to know about their partner’s exes. Not to mention you liked Suga too.”

Sawamura blushed, and Kuroo was certain that he was blushing too.

“I need to understand you,” he said. “I need to know that I’m making the right decision for myself.”

Sawamura nodded and looked down to their linked hands. With his free hand he started stroking Kuroo’s knuckles, fingertip slowly rubbing over them.

“I knew it for a while before we broke up,” Sawamura said. “His scent around me got different. He didn’t want to talk to me. He was so stiff even when he was in heat. Well, he left after that. He would have left earlier if he wasn’t going into heat, I’m sure of it.”

“That’s harsh,” Kuroo said to himself, but Sawamura laughed.

“I wanted to keep him with me, even if just for a moment longer,” he said and shook his head. “I wouldn’t have minded staying even if just for sex. Except he apparently told you that he didn’t like sex with me.”

“Not really,” Kuroo said. “I may have over exaggerated a bit.”

“Oh,” Sawamura said, clearly surprised.

Kuroo didn’t want to look at his face in the fear that it would have relief written all over it.

“I couldn’t deal with the sadness so I made his life miserable,” Sawamura said then. “I almost drove him out of the club too. What kind of an alpha am I?”

Kuroo wasn’t sure if Sawamura wanted him to say something, but he didn’t. He wasn’t sure if he had ever known what an alpha was supposed to be like. Was he a good alpha? He had no idea.

“I talked to Suga then,” Sawamura continued. “It was the first time that I accepted how sad I was, and I think from then on I could better understand myself and what happened. I have been thinking about it a lot. Thinking about myself.”

Sawamura sighed and shifted. He was now holding Kuroo’s hand with both of his hands, his thumbs stroking patterns onto his skin.

“Then you just appeared,” Sawamura said. “And it was the first time I had ever really understood that gay people exist. I didn’t actively realise it was an option for some alphas. I’m not going to lie – my first instinct was to get out of there and I don’t know, purify my soul or something equally stupid, but after I had calmed down that evening it stuck to me.”

“What?” Kuroo asked sarcastically. “You got infected by the gay?”

Sawamura looked at him with his brows furrowed and lips pursed.

“I’m trying to be serious,” he said, and Kuroo smiled. “I mean that suddenly I realised that there was a whole world out there and I knew nothing about it until then. And I… I couldn’t stop thinking about the way you sat down across from me and you had that cocky smile on your face and then.”

Sawamura was frowning, his mouth slightly open, and Kuroo looked at him from the corner of his eye. Sawamura’s face was slightly turned away.

“When you realised that I had no idea about anything,” Sawamura said, “and your face just melted from self-assured to something like mild horror, I realised that I had just seen something that you probably wouldn’t want to show anyone all that easily. You know, something like a glimpse of the real you, that you’re someone more than just the guy who plays volleyball and slept with Suga.”

Kuroo gasped silently and his hands twitched in Sawamura’s hold.

“When I thought about you that night,” Sawamura said, “I thought that I want to know more about you, about that real you. And honestly, at that point I didn’t even think about the fact that you’re gay. I just desperately wanted to see you again and maybe see who you really are.”

Kuroo felt weak. As much as he hated to admit it, he had secretly been ready to leave and never talk to the alpha again. He had already been certain that Sawamura would end up being a completely jerk and that maybe he would dislike the alpha so much he would really leave and sleep at the railway station.

“I still can’t believe I ran into you the next day,” Sawamura said. “It was such a stupid idea, and it worked. And you contacted me back. I was so certain that you wouldn’t. I mean, I saw the way you looked at me at the railway station. Then I got a message from an unknown number and it was from you.”

Kuroo turned to look at Sawamura, who was still looking at their hands. His face was glowing, and it made Kuroo’s stomach burn with adoration.

“I was so happy I nearly cried,” Sawamura said and laughed a little. “Suga thought I had lost it. Asahi thought I received bad news.”

Kuroo smiled quietly.

“Kuroo, I really think I like you as a person,” Sawamura then said. “I don’t think it would feel like this if I was only after an experience.”

“Like what?” Kuroo asked quietly.

Sawamura looked up at him.

“Like I want to keep holding your hand like this,” Sawamura said. “But also kiss you and touch you everywhere. But mostly just hold your hand.”

Kuroo smiled.

“I like holding your hand too,” he said.

They were quiet for a moment, but looking at each other.

“Do you think you still want to give me a chance?” Sawamura asked.

Kuroo had to think for a moment. He really wanted to believe that this was for real, but he was frightened.

“Yes,” he said before his thoughts could get to anything disastrous.

Sawamura’s smile was happy and wide and he leaned in to kiss Kuroo. It was just a quick peck, but somehow it felt much more meaningful than any other kiss before.

“Does this mean we’re mates now?” Sawamura asked quietly.

The way he looked so hesitant and his cheeks were dusted with pink made Kuroo’s heart melt.

“Yes, we’re mates now,” Kuroo said with a smile. “Although technically wouldn’t that require sex?”

Sawamura’s blush spread wider and Kuroo chuckled.

“I’m just joking,” he said. “I mean, of course I would really like to have sex, but right now I’m quite hungry.”

“How thoughtless of me!” Sawamura said and got up, letting go of Kuroo’s hand with only one hand. “I should have asked you if you wanted anything.”

Kuroo shook his head as Sawamura pulled him up and led him to the kitchen. They walked all the way there with their hands still linked together, and Kuroo thought that he could really get used to feeling Sawamura’s warm hand in his.

Sawamura had to let go when he prepared some food for them. Kuroo half expected things to get awkward, but he was relieved to find out that they fell into an easy conversation. They quickly made their way back to Sawamura’s room to not wake up his sister, and after some blushing and hesitation they established that Kuroo would sleep next to Sawamura on his bed. It was a tight fit, but after a bit of shuffling their bodies fit together snuggly.

In the dark Kuroo couldn’t clearly see Sawamura, but even the impression of Sawamura’s face right next to his was exhilarating. He heart was doing funny things again and he didn’t know how he was supposed to sleep like that. Sawamura leaned closer and they kissed slowly, lips brushing together before pressing closer. Kuroo’s heart was beating so hard he was sure that Sawamura could hear it. The alpha’s hands were on his back, sliding lower until stopping to rest right before his ass. Kuroo’s hands were resting on Sawamura’s upper back. He moved them up to the alpha’s shoulders to pull him closer as their kiss opened and tongue met tongue in slow strokes. It was quiet except for the slick sounds of their kiss and the rustle of fabric as they slowly moved under the blanket.

Sawamura’s hand was warm on Kuroo’s hip, and he was starting to feel the effect of all the touching. He pulled away from the kiss.

“How far do you want to take this?” he whispered.

Sawamura breathed.

“We probably shouldn’t now,” he said. “I mean, it’s late and my sister’s home.”

“Okay,” Kuroo said. “In that case we need to stop now.”

“Oh?” Sawamura replied and slid his hand to Kuroo’s front.

“Sawamura!” Kuroo whispered in shock.

“Just checking”, Sawamura said and chuckled. “Okay, let’s stop here.”

Kuroo waited for a moment before pressing closer to Sawamura’s body.

“I’m actually really tired,” he said and yawned.

“Me too,” Sawamura said. “Good night, Kuroo.”

“Good night,” Kuroo said and nuzzled his face close to Sawamura’s neck.

In spite of what Kuroo had thought, he fell asleep soon.

*

Kuroo woke up slowly. He tried to hang onto the lingering strands of dream but the more he tried the more his mind woke up. He reluctantly accepted it and opened his eyes.

“Good morning,” Sawamura whispered.

He was smiling, and Kuroo smiled too.

“Morning,” he said.

Sawamura leaned slightly closer, the tips of their noses now touching.

“Did you sleep well?” Sawamura asked.

Kuroo nodded. He was still not completely ready to talk, still wanted to remain in the space of comfort so close to dreams. The two alphas looked at each other. Sawamura’s eyes were soft and warm.

Kuroo leaned in to carefully kiss the other alpha’s lips. He wasn’t going to make it long, but he lingered, lips brushing against Sawamura’s and a smile crawling onto his face. He kissed the alpha again, and Sawamura’s hands pulled him closer, fingers digging into his hair as they kissed.

Kuroo wanted to feel more of Sawamura and slid his hands over his shoulders, over his sides to his back, up to his nape before settling down to the curve of his ass. He kneaded the flesh slowly, pulling the cheeks slightly apart before letting go and moving to the thighs. Sawamura moaned quietly, tugging gently at Kuroo’s hair and their tongues mingled, breaths warming the space between their faces. Sawamura let his other hand drop down to Kuroo’s hips and pulled him closer.

When their hips touched, Kuroo realised how hard Sawamura was. His heart jumped and he pressed closer, ground his hips against Sawamura’s erection and elicited a low moan from the alpha. Sawamura’s hand was groping his ass, his palm warm and fingers digging into the crack. Kuroo moaned and leaned into the touch. They were both breathing fast, kiss turned sloppy from the lack of attention to it.

Sawamura was the first to move his hand to Kuroo’s crotch, copping a feel of Kuroo’s half-hard length. Kuroo immediately followed, moving his hand to Sawamura’s erection that was tenting his pants. He squeezed the hard flesh and Sawamura hissed, hips jumping forward to get more. Kuroo’s fingers were on the waistband of his shorts, tugging the garment down to reveal his cock. Sawamura pulled Kuroo’s underwear out of the way too.

When Sawamura’s bare hand touched Kuroo’s cock unobstructed for the first time, Kuroo groaned. He was quickly getting harder, quickly getting to a point of desperation, and he took a hold of Sawamura’s length, stroking it a couple of times just to feel the weight of it on his hand. He really wanted to taste it, wanted to suck the tip of it into his mouth and suck Sawamura dry, but right now he was too far gone to suggest a change to what they were doing. Sawamura was stroking him fast, and Kuroo decided to mimic his pace.

The kiss was forgotten, and they were merely breathing against each other’s mouths. Kuroo tried to find the best way to make Sawamura feel good, shifted his hand differently, put pressure onto different spots and wiped his thumb over the dripping slit. Sawamura’s approach was much more straight-forward, and Kuroo didn’t mind it at all. He could feel all the callouses on Sawamura’s hand rub over his cock, and he knew he wouldn’t last much longer. He would come embarrassingly soon, but he couldn’t find it in him to mind.

Sawamura was getting noisier, hips moving with Kuroo’s hand, and a particularly guttural moan pushed Kuroo over the edge. He kept his hand moving in desperation as he came between their stomachs, Sawamura’s hands rubbing his knot and squeezing it just right, and Kuroo whimpered, toes curling and back arching to get closer to the alpha.

He was so preoccupied with his own orgasm that he wasn’t sure what he did to make Sawamura come soon after. Sawamura had moved his hand onto Kuroo’s hip, pulling the alpha closer, and Kuroo pressed their cocks together, feeling how Sawamura’s knot caught onto his own.

Sawamura’s moans were broken cries. Kuroo wanted to keep going, wanted to keep feeling good and making Sawamura feel better, but he was still tired, so he soon stopped moving, rocking his hips against Sawamura’s a few more times before coming to a halt and instead throwing his arm over Sawamura’s body to lean on him. Sawamura kissed his cheek and he turned his head to meet the alpha’s mouth.

Sawamura was holding Kuroo close and Kuroo thought he wouldn’t mind melting there, becoming a part of Sawamura’s hold. He was getting sleepy, tiredly licking into Sawamura’s mouth before it started to feel like it was too much. Sawamura kissed him once more before settling down.

Kuroo looked at Sawamura. The alpha smiled happily, eyes full of something that Kuroo could only describe with the word “love”. He closed his eyes and smiled before drifting off again.

-

That afternoon Bokuto received a text.

Kuroo: _As my best friend you should be the first to know that I now have a boyfriend. Sawamura says hi._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I shouldn't have edited this chapter either before next month but whoopsie.
> 
> Now let's see if I can contain myself until next month before posting new fics.
> 
> Regarding this series, I haven't written anything new yet, but I'm definitely thinking and working in my head!
> 
> I have [a dedicated writing blog](http://mean-whalewrites.tumblr.com) but also sometimes talk about writing [on twitter](http://twitter.com/mean_whale), but to follow me on twitter please be over 18!

**Author's Note:**

> I feel kind of sorry for everyone who's been waiting for me to update, because the next update will be some time in December. November is NaNoWriMo, so I'll only be focusing on original fiction for a month. Sorry!
> 
> You can keep up with my fic progress through [twitter](http://twitter.com/mean_whale) or [this post](http://pornorosso.tumblr.com/post/150448105741/fics). (But also please note that I don't always talk about writing on twitter, my account is a mess.) Also feel free to check on my [nano process](http://nanowrimo.org/participants/riikk)!
> 
> Edited on 31.10. to fix a couple of name mistakes. Also edited yesterday like 2 hours after posting because I forgot to mark this as having multiple chapters what a loser!


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